Apr 30, 2006 3 min read

Dear Joy, One of my good friends is getting married this July and has decided to charge $15 per guest at the reception, to pay for dinner. I know they do not have much money, and they are not getting much help from their parents. However, I also know, advising your guests of the $15 fee for dinner in your invitations is a big NO-NO.

But now I’m wondering, is this becoming a trend? Should I say something to her about that? She’s already stressed out and I don’t want to hurt her feelings. She’s actually asked me if I would want to collect the money at the reception, when the guests start arriving. I really don’t want to do that. I think this will look rude, not to mention “cheap.”

What are your thoughts? Any suggestions? Friend

Dear Friend,

No, it’s not a trend. When you host a personal event, you should not ask your invited guests to pay for their own dinner. I have never heard of mentioning a dinner fee in a wedding invitation, either.

If the invitations have already been mailed, she will probably hear some negative reaction from her family and friends – unless this is standard operating procedure in her family. Unfortunately, she can’t undo what she has already done, so I believe her best approach is not to send someone around to collect the fee. Stick to your guns and refuse to do her dirty work.

Dear Joy,

This is in response to the bride who felt uncomfortable wearing her future mother-in-law’s wedding gown.

Why not ask the mother-in-law to make a garter for the bride using the materials from her wedding dress and the bride’s wedding dress? It would be a keepsake and not a throwaway.

The bride could have store bought garter for that. If the mother-in-law does not sew, I am sure she could find someone to help her.

I have done this for my daughter-in-law and for friends’ daughters, and it is a lovely gesture.

My daughter got married last fall and I had always dreamed of making her gown, but when we went to a bridal store to try on dresses, she found a dress that she fell in love with.

I could have replicated it but she was so happy with the ready made that I couldn’t disappoint her. So to satisfy my dream, I made her slip with lace from her senior prom gown I made for her. I also made her veil. Her garter was a combination of pieces from her baptism dress, communion dress, her graduation dress and my wedding gown. It’s a keepsake that I am sure she will pass on to her own daughter.

The wedding was lovely and everything had love sewed into it. Janis

Dear Janis,

I applaud your sense of creativity and your willingness to look outside the box (in this case the gown!) and focus your attention on her accessories. I am sure your special attention to the details, such as her veil, slip and garter, made her bridal ensemble even more special.

K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. You can e-mail her your bridal questions at bridejoy@yahoo.com.