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Mother advised to stay out of decision on location of church ceremony

3 min read

Dear Joy, Our daughter is to be married next spring to a great guy, and we are quite excited about the wedding.

Our family and the groom’s family are quite active in our churches but we belong to different denominations.

I always dreamed of my daughter walking down the aisle of our church, and I know the groom’s mother feels the same way.

I know the kids are torn over where they should get married and I am trying hard not to make a fuss but I know the groom’s mother is putting a lot of pressure on them to be married in “their” church.

There are some major differences in our beliefs. I am not sure my daughter is aware of them and would be accepting of their doctrine. Should I give them my two cents or should I stay out of it? I don’t want my daughter to embrace their religious beliefs and turn her back on our church without considering this very carefully.

Dear Worried Mom,

I think you should advise your daughter and future son-in-law to meet with the clergy of both churches before they decide on one or the other. Your daughter should explore the doctrine of her fianc?’s church and he should have the same consideration for hers.

Only after those meetings, should they arrive at a decision regarding where they are to be married and where they will worship together as a family.

Their decision is personal and should not be influenced by either family.

The clergy from your respective churches may be willing to work together to officiate at the wedding ceremony.

The selected church site’s officiant would need to be contacted by the visiting officiant and they would need to work out the details of the ceremony.

Dear Joy,

My sister just tore the ACL in her knee while she was waterskiing. She will be on crutches and a brace for quite awhile. She is supposed to be a bridesmaid at my wedding next month, and I am afraid she won’t be able to perform her duties. Should I ask her to bow out?

I want my wedding to be perfect. I don’t want her to be on crutches as she walks down the aisle, and it would look bad in the pictures, too. I don’t mean to be insensitive but I don’t think it’s going to work out with her. Sister

Dear Sister,

I think you are being insensitive. You would be wise to remember that life is not perfect so our attempts to have perfect weddings are fool hardy.

Don’t ask her to bow out.

Find a way for her to walk down the aisle and not feel self-conscious or uncomfortable.

I am certain your wedding photographer can create a seating arrangement photograph, so that your sister can be included in the pictures without the crutches.

K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. You can e-mail her your bridal questions at bridejoy@yahoo.com.

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