Mother of groom advised to be gracious and friendly toward ex-husband’s wife
Dear Joy, My son is getting married in the fall. I have been divorced from his father for 15 years. His father remarried eight years ago and has a second family – a wife and two sons, age 4 and 6.
My son would like to have his half-brothers as ring bearers. I’m okay with it, but I do have a problem with his step-mother. We have had a lot of disagreements over the years and I really don’t want her at the rehearsal dinner that I am hosting. Can I eliminate her? Name withheld
Dear Name Withheld,
Don’t eliminate her. The boys need to participate in the rehearsal and they should be invited to the dinner, along with their father (the groom’s dad) and their mother.
Just have them seated at a table at the opposite end of the room from you. Don’t ignore them, be gracious. Your relaxed and friendly attitude will help everyone to relax and enjoy themselves. Remember this event is not about you and your feelings; it is about your son and his impending marriage.
Dear Joy,
My son is getting married in October and we are devising the guest list. I have two cousins who have not spoken with each other for over ten years. No one in the family can even remember the cause of the rift and we think their behavior is immature. Our family is closer to one cousin than the other.Should I invite both cousins and worry about them having a fight at the reception? Or should I invite the one we are closer to? Thanks. Lynn.
Dear Lynn,
I suggest you don’t make a big issue out of this. You should not have to choose between your cousins, so invite them both.
I don’t believe it is your responsibility to make them behave. Remember that they are both adults and they should be expected to behave like adults.
Once they receive the invitation, it will be their decision to attend or not. Better yet, your celebration may be the perfect time for them to extend an olive branch to each other.
Dear Joy,
I just received a wedding invitation to a cousin’s wedding. I have never liked this particular relative-so I don’t want to go. Besides I work nights, and I would have to take a night off from work. I also don’t want to give a present to this jerk.
My parents are having a fit and told me if I don’t go it will start a big family feud. I think they are being overly dramatic, I doubt it will start a feud. Do you think people should be forced to go to a wedding? EW
Dear EW,
Adults occasionally need to attend events for people that they don’t like. But if you are going to sulk in the corner and be unpleasant, do not go. The couple deserves your well-wishes and pleasant attitude. You received an invitation so you should send a wedding gift, along with your regrets. If you don’t, you will find the emotional cost of a family rift is far more expensive.
K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. You can e-mail her your bridal questions at bridejoy@yahoo.com