Program teaches hairdressers signs of abuse
Sometimes, a woman’s best friend is her hairdresser. He’s the one who makes her feel good about herself, who listens when she complains. And it’s in that role as a confidant that a hairdresser could save an abused woman’s life.
Fayette County Domestic Violence Services presented a program Monday called Cut It Out, geared toward helping beauticians recognize signs of abuse and refer their clients for help.
Salon workers, said executive director Annette J. James, usually come in contact with women when their abuser isn’t around.
“For some women, it’s one of the few places that the abuser doesn’t go,” James said during Monday’s presentation.
If they see bald or tender spots, or notice bruises, James said a beautician can express concern and give the woman a card with the domestic violence hotline number on it. Conversely, if a woman shows up to the hairdressers with her husband or boyfriend in tow every time, that also can be a reason for concern, showing that the woman is under tight surveillance, said the agency’s community education specialist, Cathleen Augustine.
A video presented indicated additional markers that may indicate a client is in trouble. Dozens of cell phone calls from the husband or boyfriend may indicate an unhealthy obsession, or a woman who comes in with instructions as to how her hair should be cut and styled also could be in trouble, the video indicated.
The video advised salon professionals point out their concern, and listen to what clients have to say without pushing them. If a client opens up, promise confidentiality and be discreet in referring them to domestic violence services.
While a bruise can be an obvious sign of abuse, the psychological wounds are more difficult to spot. Augustine said beauticians might start to notice changes in a client’s personality, or hear them make comments about what they’re “allowed” to do with their appearance. Even women subjected to that emotional abuse sometimes don’t understand what’s happening to them, Augustine said.
Women often don’t understand how to take meticulous concern about their clothing choices, or criticism of their speech or immobilizing their interaction with family and friends. There’s no hitting, so Augustine said that they don’t realized that they’re being abused.
“That’s what makes emotional abuse the worst,” she said.
James said younger girls with obsessive boyfriends often are flattered by the attention or jealousy that they think is associated with the behavior. In reality, James said it’s about controlling the girl’s actions.
She said she is hopeful that beauticians also may be able to spot that kind of victimization in younger clients and help steer them to help.
Augustine and James said they would give local salons cards with the agency’s hotline number on it, and leave books detailing the behaviors associated with domestic violence at salons that want them.
“Every 15 seconds, a woman is killed in the United States due to domestic violence. It’s pretty astounding,” Augustine said.
It’s also among the leading reasons women go to emergency rooms across the country.
Augustine said domestic abuse – be it physical, sexual or psychological – is about power and control, not anger, substance abuse or mental illness. And it’s learned, she said.
“If dad beats mom, (his sons) learn to resolve conflict by battering,” Augustine said.
Daughters also learn, Augustine said. They learn to accept battery and seek out men who are abusive.
Augustine said there are many reasons people stay in abusive relationships – they believe apologies, are daunted by finances or scared to take their children away from what they know. When they do leave, Augustine said it’s not unusual for them to return several times.
Although most people associate the agency with the shelter they run for abused women and their children, Augustine said the agency also offers individual and group counseling sessions. Because domestic abuse is a problem associated with people of all walks of life, Augustine said that not every client has to seek emergency shelter.
James said that the agency will make arrangements for clients who don’t want to come to the shelter for counseling.
“We’ll meet them for lunch – whatever it takes,” she said.
All of the agency’s services are free of charge, no matter the victim’s income, Augustine said.
The next training session is scheduled for Nov. 13 from 1 to 3 p.m. at the Fayette Chamber of Commerce office. Augustine said they are trying to schedule the trainings for Mondays, when many area salons are closed.
The domestic violence services hotline number is 724-439-9500. Someone answers the hotline number 24 hours a day, seven days a week.