Oct 29, 2006 3 min read

Dear Joy, My father’s new wife is a sweetheart. She is eager to please and very generous. She would like to give me a bridal shower and has shown a lot of interest in my wedding planning. I want to include her but at the same time I feel like I am betraying my mother.

My mother has remarried and I have a great stepfather, too. Despite my parent’s happiness with their respective spouses, I realize there are still some ill feelings on both sides. What role should stepparents play in a wedding celebration? Any suggestions for harmonious planning? Linda

Dear Linda,

I think it is imperative not to flaunt a new husband or wife in front of a former spouse. The stepparent can be supportive in the wedding planning process but should not try to replace, compete with, or sabotage the parent’s role.

Your stepmother is obviously delighted about your impending marriage. Include her and your father in your planning discussions. Consider giving her a role in your wedding that will make her feel included, such as pining the boutonnieres on all of the male members of the wedding party. Perhaps, she can oversee the guest book, too.

Seat her and your father in the pew behind your mother and stepfather. If the relationship between your parents is acrimonious, seat them two pews behind your mother.

Use the same approach with your stepfather and include him and your mother in your wedding plan discussions. Find an appropriate role for him. Perhaps he could do a reading at your ceremony or make a toast at the reception. He should be seated with your mother in the first pew.

A few more things to remember:

– Do not have your stepparents participate in a receiving line. Let them mingle with the guests.

– Honor both stepparents with a corsage or boutonniere.

– Include your stepparents and any stepchildren in a few wedding photos.

– Do not have your parents share the same table at the reception. Have them, along with their spouses, seated at opposite ends of the room, surrounded by their close family and friends.

– And please, do not expect your parents to dance together!

Dear Joy,

Here is an idea that I would like to share with your readers. I realized that often wedding guests do not know each other or can’t remember so and so’s last name.

Instead of using tacky nametags I thought up a guest board idea. Have a bridesmaid or usher take a Polaroid photo of each couple and single guest. Attach the photos to a decorated foam board. The foam board could be placed on an easel at the entrance to the reception. When the guests enter the reception and get their seating location, their picture could be taken at that time.

The pictures should be attached to the foam board with double-sided adhesive tape. A sticky label with the guest’s name should be placed below the picture.

Guests could also be encouraged to write a few congratulatory words near their displayed picture. What do you think? Sally

Dear Sally,

Your idea not only helps to reacquaint your guests but it also is a lovely keepsake for the bride and groom. Thanks for sharing your idea!

K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. You can e-mail her your bridal questions at bridejoy@yahoo.com.