Bride may have chosen the wrong maid-of-honor
Dear Joy, My daughter made a big mistake and asked a “friend” to be her maid-of-honor. Almost from the start, her “friend” has not acted in a nice manner and has created unnecessary anxiety and tension in the wedding planning. She is always late, has a million excuses, and really appears almost indifferent to her responsibilities and the wedding.
I really think my daughter should ask another friend to be her maid-of-honor, instead. The other friend is a bridesmaid, and has appeared really excited and willing to help. My daughter has shared her frustration with the other girls in the wedding party and they all agree that the maid-of-honor is not living up to her role.
My daughter is torn about this, and disappointed with her chosen maid-of-honor. My daughter suspects that she is envious, and that this is why she is behaving this way. She is getting married in six months, but most of the planning has occurred already. Is it too late to change? MOB
Dear MOB:
Stay out of it, Mom.
Your daughter made her choice, and gave her friend the title. She should honor that decision, and not undo the special designation she gave to her friend. I believe it would do irreparable damage to her friendship if she were to take away the honor and give it to someone else.
Many bridal parties are filled with a mixed bag of personalities, and emotions – such as envy, pettiness and competitiveness. Unfortunately, I believe these negative emotions are more common in a wedding party than affection, love and harmony. Worse yet, special designations, such as “best man” or “maid of honor, can foster feelings of jealousy and competitiveness among siblings and friends.
Before you spend time blaming the friend for her lack of enthusiasm, realize that sometimes a bride can spend an extraordinary amount of time focused on her big day, at the expense of others.
Sadly, some self-absorbed brides ignore or alienate their friends during this frantic time period, and do irreparable damage to their friendships. Frankly, some wedding participants get sick and tired of “wedding talk.”
The wedding can put a strain on a friendship, but a marriage frequently changes a friendship. Often, the friend senses that a change is in the air and begins to pull away. A sensitive bride needs to remember that a true friendship is one of reciprocity, and is not one-sided. So, I encourage all brides to spend some one-on-one time with friends. And during that time, discussion of the wedding should be kept to a minimum. In this way, the bride can rediscover what is going on in the life of a friend, and reassure her that the friendship will remain intact long after the wedding day.
K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. You can e-mail her your bridal questions at bridejoy@yahoo.com.