Jul 22, 2007 3 min read

Dear Joy, I have been noticing that people are having a brunch the day after the wedding. My daughter is getting married next spring, and I would like to know if this is now something that is expected or required. I would appreciate any thoughts on this matter. Laura

Dear Laura,

Frequently a day-after wedding brunch is scheduled to feed and entertain out-of-town guests who are visiting for the wedding weekend. If you intend to have a lot of long-distance guests in attendance, it would be quite hospitable to plan such an event.

If not, you can skip the brunch.

Dear Joy,

I was asked to be a bridesmaid in my old college roommate’s wedding. Her wedding date is scheduled for October. She has asked three other women to be in the wedding party, along with my daughter as the flower girl.

We went shopping for gowns last weekend and I was astonished by the cost. The gown they agreed on is quite expensive and doesn’t include alterations. If I count that, along with shoes and a gown for my daughter, I am looking at a big expense. I haven’t even counted in shower and wedding present costs.

My husband and I were bankrupt from a failed business venture, and we are just now beginning to dig ourselves out of a financial hole. I have to be very frugal until we are back on our feet. I didn’t put a deposit down on my gown, yet. I would like my daughter to remain a flowergirl, but is it too late for me to back out as a bridesmaid? Rebecca

Dear Rebecca

Once you place a deposit on a gown, you have an obligation to purchase it. So, before you sink any money into this, now is the time to back out.

Most brides are keenly aware that participation in a wedding can be costly. For this reason, I suspect your friend will understand your financial restrictions, and be sensitive to your situation.

Dear Joy,

My husband and I just received an invitation to a wedding scheduled over the Labor Day weekend. I’m quite upset since we have a family camping tradition that has been in place for that weekend for the past 12 years. Now, we are torn about what we should do: skip the wedding or our camping trip.

Joy, please tell your brides that holiday weekends are frequently filled with family activities and traditions. There are plenty of other weekends to choose from! Marcie

Dear Marcie,

You do bring up a valid point about the potential conflict between a scheduled tradition on a holiday weekend and a wedding celebration. In defense of their decision, though, many couples consider the needs of out-of-town guests, since many prefer to travel on an extended weekend.

Joy’s Bridal Tip:

Here are the pros and cons of hosting a holiday wedding:

Pros

Your out-of-town guests can take advantage of a long holiday weekend for travel and rest.

You can utilize the holiday theme in your decorations.

You may get an extra vacation day for your honeymoon.

Cons

Some guests may have holiday traditions they will not want to miss.

Caterers, restaurants, and hotels may charge more or be booked early on a busy holiday.

Flowers may be more expensive and unavailable on busy holiday weekends, such as Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day.

Bridal attendants and family may be financially stretched during the busy and expensive Christmas season.

K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant.

You can e-mail her your bridal questions, comments, wedding ideas, or personal wedding experiences to bridejoy@yahoo.com.