May 6, 2007 3 min read

Dear Joy, Years ago, I read one of your columns about dollar dances. I can’t remember exactly what you said in it, but I know you discussed the subject. I feel particularly sensitive to the issue since we were just confronted with it at a relative’s wedding.

Last week we attended the wedding of a cousin’s son. My husband and I haven’t seen this side of the family for years since we live about 600 miles away, so we decided to attend the wedding, despite our hectic work schedules and stretched budget.

The airfare, car rental and the hotel cost, took a big bite out of our budget. To keep the cost down, we didn’t purchase new outfits for the wedding or the trip. We did purchase an expensive wedding gift for the couple that was listed on their registry.

And then, there was the dollar dance! I was angry at the couple’s attempt to make money at their wedding. I know for a fact that this couple isn’t struggling financially. They both have great jobs and a large new home, and drive cars that my husband and I would dream of having. They have been living together for three years and have an established household.

I felt their attempts to make money at their wedding was extremely tacky. I know that dollar dances were popular years ago for struggling young couples, but this couple was far beyond that stage. I also heard that the bride had three bridal showers, too. How much money and stuff do they need?

I don’t think family and friends should be asked to finance a couple’s extravagant lifestyle. What do you think of dollar dances at an extravagant wedding? Linda.

Dear Linda,

Weddings in our country can be very diverse and reflect ethnic traditions and regional customs. Immigrants brought many of their social customs to this country, and they have become incorporated in our daily lives and celebrations.

Money dances are a common occurrence in many European countries and are frequently seen at wedding receptions throughout our country. In the Midwest, “Dollar Dances” are common. And in rural areas of our own state of Pennsylvania, a bride and groom may dance to the “Buck and Doe Dance”. In this dance, the maid-of-honor collects bucks and dough from the guests who want to cut in on the bride and groom.

European guests are familiar with this custom.

Polish guests have paid for a dance with a bride by pinning money to her veil or tucking paper money in a bridal purse. This money is designated for a honeymoon. Hungarian guests will dance with a bride and give her coins for a kiss. And in Spain, wedding guests dance a seguidillas manchegas.

During this dance, each guest presents the bride with a gift.

As you can see, this couple’s idea about a money dance is not completely unusual.

Despite the fact that a money dance is not uncommon amongst some families, some guests will find it to be a tasteless activity. Unlike their less affluent European ancestors, many contemporary couples have already set-up households, been given a few bridal showers, and request and receive generous wedding presents.

Today’s guest may feel financially stretched and resentful of another grab at their already thin wallet.

K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. You can e-mail her your bridal questions at bridejoy@yahoo.com