A word, please
I don’t like to discuss risqué topics here. I save that for the talks I give to public schools and church groups. But a radio ad I heard recently for cosmetic surgery has left me no choice. The announcer promised, for the low cost of just $2,900, “bigger, more sexier breasts.” Lest anyone give the copywriter the grammatical benefit of the doubt, the line was repeated verbatim before the 30-second spot had ended.
Most of us know without having to think about it that this is just bad usage. Even my not-too-bright Microsoft Word grammar checker knows this is wrong. Usually, you express an adjective’s relative intensity either by adding a word like “more” or by tacking on a suffix like “er.” You don’t do both. Everyone besides moonshine aficionados and cosmetic surgeons knows that.
But, not unlike the surgical practice in question, if you stop and think about it for a while, you’re almost guaranteed to find yourself wondering: why?
Yes, our ear tells us this construction sounds bad. Most of us would never dream of saying “the surgeons that are more greedier are catering to the most stupidest clientele.” But when pressed to explain the rule, a lot of people might not be able to.
The explanation is a good example of why I like grammar. It is: That’s just not how we do it. Contrary to the popular belief that grammar rules are written by a group of evil overlords trying to force us to do unnatural things, grammar is actually just a description of how the majority customarily assembles words and otherwise uses the language. “More sexier” sounds wrong because it is wrong and it is wrong because it sounds wrong.
Sure, we can understand it from a more academic perspective than that. We call “er” forms “comparatives” and “est” forms “superlatives.” The “Oxford English Grammar” contrasts these to what it calls “absolutes” — the basic form of the adjective. So “tall” is an absolute, “taller” is a comparative and “tallest” is a superlative.
The comparative, for example, “taller,” “Oxford” explains, “is used for comparison between two units or sets of units and the superlative (tallest) where more than two units or sets of units are involved.”
So how do you know when to use comparative and superlative inflections (that is, add the suffixes) and when to opt instead for an absolute preceded by “more,” “most” or something similar?
Your ear is your best guide. For example, which sounds better to you: “most outrageous” or “outrageousest”? When in doubt, check a dictionary. But be warned: Not all of them will help you. Some dictionaries, such as the “American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, Third Edition,” show comparative and superlative forms right next to the absolutes. Others, including “Webster’s New World College Dictionary,” usually do not. So, in American Heritage, look up “tall” and you’ll see right next to it “taller” and “tallest.” Then, turn to “outrageous,” and you’ll see there is no “outrageouser.” So with this dictionary you have a sure-fire way of knowing which to choose.
“Oxford” offers another helpful guideline. Single-syllable words (e.g. calm, tall, great) “generally form their degrees of comparison through inflections,” that is, by adding “er” or “est.” Most words with three or more syllables require a “premodifier” like “more” or “most” to express degree. But many two-syllable words such as polite, noisy and friendly can go either way. So you can say “that is the most stupid ad I’ve ever heard” or “that is the stupidest ad I’ve ever heard,” and either way, you’re right.
— June Casagrande is the author of “Mortal Syntax: 101 Language Choices That Will Get You Clobbered by the Grammar Snobs — Even If You’re Right.” She can be reached at JuneTCN@aol.com.