Dec 11, 2009 By Herald Standard Staff 4 min read

I promise I’m not a male chauvinist or sexist, but there are times when it is undoubtedly good to be of the male persuasion. (It’s also, as Mel Brooks would tell you, good to be the king.) One of those times was just this Sunday, when about 10 women filled my living room for a “BeadforLife” party (think Tupperware party with beaded jewelry) and the five husbands crowded around an upstairs television to watch the Steelers (which turned out to be a bad idea).

Now, as far as these “parties” go, this one was for a good cause (offering a market for hand-made jewelery produced by poor women in Uganda).

And, like most of these parties, my wife felt the need to buy something. (This party’s purchase was made because she wanted the necklace; other parties it’s more so out of obligation.) While I was upstairs watching the Black and Gold fall apart in the fourth quarter, Heidi was downstairs parting with $50.

Now, I’m not against giving $50 toward some unique jewelry and a good cause, but this came a week after my wife attended a Shaklee organic products party, which involved hawking organic cleaning products, makeup and vitamins. (Cost to me, $35.) She’s also been to a Pampered Chef party (That would be $30 for some utensils), a party for Mary Kay cosmetics (How do three things of makeup cost $80?) and a Home Interiors party (I can’t even tell you what that $30 was spent on).

The only “party” she’s not be invited to recently is the Tupperware party, which is who started this whole party idea in the first place. (You can’t see it, but I’m shaking my fist angrily at the screen.)

So, as I said, this got me thinking how these “parties” are one of those times it’s quite, quite good to be a guy. After all, as a guy, the only “parties” that I’m obligated to go to are of the bachelor and birthday varieties. In both cases the only thing I’m expected to buy is a round of drinks.

That’s not to say these parties can’t be fun or for a good cause (again, BeadforLife is good stuff, check it out at www.beadforlife.org) but every time women talk about these kind of parties (outside of the earshot of the hostess), in most cases they admit they only show up as a favor to the friend hosting it. That goes double for some (or most) of the purchases. All of which is why I’m glad I don’t have to suffer through them.

For the record, if this is the trade off we get for killing spiders and taking out the trash, I think we made out pretty well. (And that’s not even broaching the question of how we got off the hook on a trade off for child birth.)

I tried to think of the male equivalent of the “Tupperware party” but came up blank. (Does that say something about male friendship as compared to female friendship? Maybe we’re just not that loyal.)

So since I can’t think of one, I’m going to invent one: I call it the “Beer party.”

This is a pretty easy concept. A guy hosts a Beer party, and invites his closest 10 to 15 friends (or the 10 to 15 friends with the most disposable cash) over to his place.

The host brings out an impressive collection of beers and, while trying to avoid blatantly shilling, attempts to get them to buy some over-priced beer from the various micro-breweries and specialty brewers. (Most would be pretty good but nobody would likely buy them if they weren’t at the beer party.)

And of course, the beers have hilariously off-the-wall names like Harveistoun Old Engine Oil, Sweetwater Happy Ending Imperial Stout, Buffalo Bill’s Alimony Ale (“the bitterist beer in America”), Wasatch Polygamy Porter (“Why have just one?”), Ale Mary: Full of Taste, Hoptimus Prime, Slam Dunkelweisen and anything by Dogfish Head. (With respect to Smuckers, with a name like that, who cares if it’s good.)

The guys try the beer. Then they buy the beer. Then they drink the beer. The end.

To continue this metaphor (long past the point of it being worth it) the wives and girlfriends of the Beer party attendees will gather upstairs, watch “Grey’s Anatomy” and discuss if McSteamy, McDreamy and McMuffin are going to the playoffs this year.

Not a bad party, eh?

If you’d like to RSVP for the beer party, Brandon Szuminsky can be reached at bszuminsky@heraldstandard.com.