Sadness (part 2)
The sound of change falling to the ground and a couple fighting fills the air as I exit my truck full of whining toddlers. A woman walks up behind me and gives a half hearted smile as she drops her trash in the recepticle next to the gas pump I?m using. It?s a chilly, dreary day in October and none of the noise surrounding me seems to affect the silent sadness that has settled inside this earthen vessel today.
I?ve just left the graveside funeral of an old man who had but 3 friends and 2 nurses attending. As the wind blew I stepped out of my chaotic truck full of children and can?t erase the image of a small military flag displayed on a tripod in the ground in front of a priest and five lonely souls.
The gas station radio plays a song repeating, ?your love is unconditional, your love is unconditional, your love is unconditional.? How can a man?s whole life be remembered in the time it takes me to fill my tank and pick up medicine at the pharmacy? Sadness envelopes as that thought lingers, but I am reminded that God?s love depends not on popularity, stature, wealth or possessions. God?s love depends only on grace. God?s love is unconditional.
As I begin to scrawl these thoughts on a scrap of paper found of the floor of the truck with a colored pencil that hardly writes in hopes that they will be understood by another somewhere in time and space, I wait at the pharmacy trying to keep the kids from fighting. The man at the window randomly tells me he?s read a few of my stories and complements my writing ability. I thank him and the Lord for answering my desperate prayers to be heard and understood by someone somewhere somehow so He?ll be seen through my feeble attempts to display His glory through my frailty.
As I return to pick up my severely clinically depressed mother from the grave site of her best friend the Alan Jackson song, ?Where were you? comes on the radio. It?s not just more noise in the backround of my thoughts, though, because I think of how I felt on September 11, 2001. I remember just wanting to go home. I went home and called my husband at work. I begged him to come home so at least a sense of security derived from being together would fill me on such an uncertain, horrific and sad day. I just wanted nothing more than to be home with my family.
I guess that?s what I wanted today. Only my family is the church and my home is heaven. No, I don?t want to die ? don?t commit me yet. But, yes, there are more than a few days I spend on this earth that cause my soul to yearn desperately for my eternal home and family. Until I make it I pray my sadness will give another hope that they are not alone and there is a better day coming. May Jesus Christ be praised! Amen.
20But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ,21who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.~phillipians 3:20-21
1Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. 2Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, 3because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. 4For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 5Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.~2corinthians 5:1-5
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