Stay involved in your teen’s life
In just a short time your child will be out of high school, in college, working, and/or living by his/herself. It’s just as important to make the most of these years as it was when your children were younger. However things are different now. Your near-college-age child thinks and acts like an adult (at least some of the time). So take this opportunity to build up and grow that adult-like behavior. Read these top 10 items. Then read them again. Let these important pieces of advice really sink in:
1. Help your teen prepare for life. As parents it is our responsibility to give our teens the skill set they need to succeed in life. Guide your children in the direction of good life activities like doing laundry, cooking and paying bills. Encourage your teen to set aside enough time to do these things so it won’t be so hard for him or her to manage later.
2. Let your teen drive you around – on a scenic trip through the mountains, around downtown Uniontown or just to the grocery store. Your teen will feel more in control of the situation and may be more willing to open up.
3. Understand that your teen’s friends are important. It is extremely normal for a teenager to try to separate from you and concentrate on his or her friends.
4. However it’s just as important to know the kind of friends your children have and to examine their character. Some of your teen’s friends are probably worth keeping, and maybe some of them your teen should not be around. The solution? Make your house the “hangout!” Also, if you know the parents of your teen’s friends, you could invite them all over to watch football, have a cookout, etc.
5. Help your teen manage his or her money. According to Federal Reserves 2001 Survey of Consumer Finances, the median debt owed by credit card carrying Americans is about $2,000 and in 2003 there were 1.6 million personal bankruptcy filings according to the American Bankruptcy Institute. Keep your teen from getting into this kind of financial trouble by showing him or her how to spend, save and give money wisely.
6. Do the types of activities your teen wants to do. He or she may not ask it for it, but your teen still needs time with you. If he likes camping, find a really cool new spot and suggest going there next weekend. If she likes museums, take her to the Fort Pitt Museum (or a museum in Ohio… www.ohiomuseums.org). It doesn’t have to be a birthday gift – any day will do.
7. Adjust your schedule to make time for your teen’s activities. Which is more important to your teen’s well-being: attending your son’s wrestling match (or daughter’s softball game) or going to a business social hour?
8. Keep a positive relationship with your teen but make and communicate clear limits and consequences for breaking your rules. True love means being consistent too.
9. Don’t sweat the small stuff. A disagreement over the cell phone bill is no reason to ruin your relationship with your teen. However if your teen ran up the charges, there should still be consequences – extra chores for the next two weeks, get a job to pay for it, etc.
10. Let your teen know you love him or her both in your words and what you do. Whatever your teen may do he or she still needs to feel loved and accepted by you and your family.
Seth W. Caton is the father of two young boys. Caton is the Outreach and Recruitment Specialist for Dads Matter of Fayette County, a responsible fatherhood education program. Ryan Butter is the father of grade school-age boy and is a Dads Matter Case Manager/Educator. Dads Matter is a department of the Private Industry Council of Westmoreland/ Fayette, Inc. The opinions expressed and suggestions offered are based upon the professional preparation and life experiences of the author. If you should need additional support you may wish to see a licensed counselor or family psychologist.
Dads Matter services are available to all eligible persons, regardless of race, gender, age, disability, or religion. Participation is FREE and strictly voluntary. Funding is provided by the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Grant: 90FR0075/04. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this material are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families.
Questions/Comments can be addressed to “Dads Matter” in care of the Herald Standard.