Pens’ official soda hard to swallow
“This is the way the world ends. This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but an RC Cola.” I used to think the Pittsburgh Penguins had it all: a new arena opening this year, some of the best young talent in the NHL and a goalie with a nickname “The Flower.”
That was then, this is now. After years of building the organization into one of the best in the league, the Penguins have thrown it all away.
How? you ask. It’s in the details of the Penguins’ new home, the Consol Energy Center, that are leaking out as more and more media outlets tour the facility. One such detail – the one I believe contains the Devil – raised few eyebrows until Empty Netters, the Post-Gazette Pens blog, posted the visual evidence on Monday.
(Are you sitting down? Good.)
The Consol Energy Center will not serve Coke or Pepsi, but instead offer cola drinkers a fourth-string alternative: RC Cola. I wouldn’t have believed it unless I saw the picture with my own eyes: a Consol concession stand with a huge RC Cola logo adorning the drink stand.
I’ll repeat that, because it bears repeating. The Penguins new arena will serve RC Cola. RC Cola! (If you’re wondering what the big deal is you either have no taste buds or only ever bought cola at a Hills store in 1996.)
Let’s see if we can put this in perspective. If each cola were a Pittsburgh sports team, Coke and Pepsi are the Steelers and the Penguins and RC Cola would be the Riverhounds. Who are the Riverhounds? Exactly. (For the record, the Riverhounds are the semi-pro soccer team that plays their games at a high school stadium.)
So instead of $4.50 for a watered-down Coke, you’ll have to shell out a Lincoln for an RC Cola? Isn’t there something in the U.S. Constitution that protects us from such insanity?
After all this is the same low-level drink that was skewered in 1997 by the satirical newspaper “The Onion,” which imagined the drink maker celebrating its 10th sale.
“Employees at Royal Crown Cola are jubilant in the wake of the 10th product sale in the company’s 68-year history. ‘This is a historic day for RC Cola,’ Royal Crown CEO Tad Lipscomb said.”
Ouch.
It’s no wonder the Pens tried to keep this quiet. The deal – a multi-year pact with the Dr Pepper Snapple Beverage Group – was actually announced back in May. I’m conspiratorially guessing was a purposefully let’s-stay-under-the-radar move because it’s almost as if the team was trying to keep things quiet – ala the Pirates and contracts for general managers and skippers. In fact, the official Penguins press release about the exclusive drink deal buries the RC bombshell till the very end.
“Pittsburgh Penguins fans and other Consol Energy Center patrons will be able to select from more than 30 beverage brands from the Dr Pepper Snapple Group when Pittsburgh’s new arena opens this year,” the press release reads. “Top-rated brands such as Dr Pepper, 7-Up, Hawaiian Punch, Sunkist Orange, A&W Root Beer, Canada Dry Ginger Ale, premium Snapple teas and juices, Venom energy drink and two types of bottled water – Fiji Water and Deja Blue – will be among the offerings, which will vary throughout the arena.”
It’s not until the very last paragraph (274 words into a 291 word press release) that RC Cola is even mentioned.
“Other Dr Pepper Snapple Brands include RC Cola and Diet Rite Cola, Mott’s, Schweppes, Squirt, and Welch’s.”
Conspicuously absent from this later mention of “Other Dr Pepper Snapple Brands” is the phrase “top-rated.” I believe that’s known in the industry as damning with faint praise.
So what could possibly encourage a club as first-rate as the Penguins to enter into a Faustian deal with a fourth-rate drink? The only logical explanation I can come up with is that Sidney Crosby demanded the arena serve Canada Dry Ginger Ale (being a gold medal Canadian and all). And in order to serve Canada Dry, the arena had to serve RC Cola, too.
That has to be the reason. No other explanation makes sense.
If you feel inclined to defend RC Cola’s honor, Brandon Szuminsky can be reached at bszuminsky@heraldstandard.com.