Considering a run on GOP ticket
I’m seriously considering running for the U.S. Congress as a Republican. It hurt just typing those last three words. I’m going to plod ahead anyway.
I’ve studied the formulas used by some Republicans to scare up votes, and I’m now ready to campaign.
First, I’ll need an eye-catching and ear-catching campaign slogan like, “BARACK OBAMA HATES YOUR KIDS!”
That oughtta do it. I would’ve used, and so we need to once again decide, “Do we want to be free, or do we want to be slaves?,” but that’s already been taken by Minnesota’s Michele Bachmann, who’s cornered the market on bringing the subject of slavery into discussions about the nation’s first black president.
She’s cornered the market on a lot of things. I like her style. Although I can’t, for the life of me, figure out why her campaign finance director and chief of staff (her fourth, after being on the job for only five months) just upped and left her re-election campaign.
I’d think they would’ve stayed on and watched her win an easy re-election. Although the latest poll numbers show her race is tighter than expected.
Next, I’ll put up a billboard or two. I’ll need a message that’ll attract my fellow Republicans (providing they can read).
“OBAMA IS JUST LIKE HITLER, EXCEPT HE DOESNT HAVE A MUSTACHE.” I’m on a roll. I’m starting to like this.
I hope the North Iowa Tea Party doesn’t think Im stealing its thunder. It has constructed a billboard out there that says about the same thing.
It says, “Radical leaders (with pictures of Adolf Hitler and Vladimir Lenin flanking Obama’s) prey on the fearful & naive.”
Mine, I think, is a lot snappier.
I’m a little confused, though, because the state coordinator of the overall Iowa State Tea Party, John White, claims, the sign goes into an area where the Tea Party doesn’t want to be.
White admits, though, everything Obama has done is lock-step with what Hitler did in his day. I agree. The other day I found 6 million people Obama personally killed.
Out in Nevada, Sharron Angle, the Republican senatorial candidate trying to unseat Democratic Majority Leader Harry Reid, is a model for how to run a funny (er, fun) campaign. She’s been known to avoid serious interviews. I’ll do that too.
Angle claims she’s the classic Republican cost-cutter, when she does consent to an interview.
Those cuts should include the Department of Education, Department of Energy, Environmental Protection Agency, IRS code, audit the FED leading to cuts, National Endowment of the Arts, Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae, Planned Parenthood funding, funding of czars and more, she’s claimed.
I’ll go her one better. I’m proposing that we do away will all government – everywhere. We don’t need it. Without government, there will be no taxes. Without taxes, there will be no Democrats. Without Democrats, there will be no minorities. Without minorities, wait a minute. I’m not that Republican.
I’m more of a Rand Paul Republican. Let’s get government out of our lives so racial injustice can flourish. He’s got the hillbilly vote in his race to become the next U.S. senator from Kentucky.
We don’t need government. What we need are guns, a few wild animals and our Fox News.
Ah, Fox News. No need to hire a speechwriter as long as Fox is on the air. I’ll extract my talking points (and my marching orders) directly from Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck.
I won’t have any strong opinions unless those three and Rush Limbaugh confirm their importance.
I’ll be a card carrying member of the Tea Party. I don’t even know if they have cards, but if they do I’ll have one.
I’ll show up at their rallies and join those protesters who are furious about how Obama would have stolen our future, but we have no future, because he’s stolen our present.
I’m fired up now. Im going out and find me some rock-ribbed, hard-nosed devotees of the Republican faith.
Or maybe, I’ll keep my sanity, and just remain a Democrat.
Edward A. Owens is a three time Emmy Award winner and 20 year veteran of television news. E-mail him at freedoms@bellatlantic.net
.