Counseling in order to resolve child-care issue
Dear Annie: I have a toddler and another child on the way. I’ve been with my children’s father for years, although we are not married. “Evan” does not have a job, and it seems as if he has no intention of ever getting one. While I’m at work, Evan takes our son to his mother’s house and stays until late at night. He says he doesn’t like to sit around our apartment all day. I do not understand why his mother’s house is any better.
If we get into an argument, Evan will leave for a couple of days. I don’t know what to do because I love him and my kids need their father. – Trying To Do the Right Thing
Dear Trying: If Evan takes care of the children, helps to keep the house orderly and cooks meals, it means he has a job no matter where he spends his time. If, however, he is dropping your son off at Mom’s so he can go to the pool hall or play videogames with his friends, that’s another story. You and Evan need to work this out together. Counseling will help.
Dear Annie: I read with interest the letter from “Raised in the Sun Belt,” who had misgivings about seeing a dermatologist who left most examinations to his assistant. As a board-certified Mayo Clinic-trained clinical dermatologist with 30 years of practice, I agree with the writer that many of my colleagues, lured by lucrative dollars, are abandoning patients with medical problems to concentrate on cosmetic procedures.
Many cosmetically focused doctors dump patients on “physician extenders,” otherwise known as physician assistants or nurse practitioners. They take 18 months to 24 months of general courses to assist a general practitioner, and specialty care is only learned from the supervising physician. The amount of training they receive is quite variable. They then see patients on their own. In many states, there is no law requiring the physician to be present at all.
The American Academy of Dermatology maintains that all new patients should be seen by the physician and any new problem should be evaluated by the doctor. If the doctor’s office looks like a showroom, the focus is on sales and cosmetics, not medicine. You’re no longer a patient. You’re a customer.
“Raised in the Sun Belt” is right to be wary. She should be seen by a well-trained medical dermatologist. Accept no substitutes. – Deanna DuComb, M.D., Dermatologist
Dear Dr. DuComb: Thank you for weighing in. We appreciate the expert opinion.
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Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox comcast.net.
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AP-NY-05-24-10 2310EDT