Poison ivy finally meets its match
Are there any two words in this world that conjure up more thoughts of irritation than “poison ivy?” (Okay, sure, “Grey’s Anatomy,” but it’s a close call between the two.)
I’m one of the “lucky” people that manages to suffer from poison ivy every summer, whether or not I come in contact with anything leafy and green – three leaves or otherwise. I’m starting to sincerely believe that I could spend May through November in a hermitically sealed room and still break out at least once.
My (first?) poison outbreak this year is going on two weeks and covers both of my legs from the knees down. (That’ll teach me to wear shorts outside.) It’s a regular rite of spring – the itching, the cursing of all things green. Apparently this year I won’t be alone. A recent article in the Wall Street Journal warns that this summer is “shaping up for one of its most virulent and unpredictable seasons.”
I’m not sure about that, but I do know that when I cleaned out my garage gutters last week there were little poison ivy saplings growing in the muck. I’m not sure if that qualifies as “virulent and unpredictable,” but I wasn’t a big fan of it, I’ll tell you that.
I’ve always been particularly sensitive to poison ivy. I’m intensely jealous of the 15 percent or so of the population that is immune to the vile weed. I’m also cautiously optimistic that they’re lying, because the thought that some people are spared from poison ivy while the rest of us suffer severely undermines my faith in a fair and just god. (God, if You read this, I’m just kidding; I promise.)
Each year I’ve suffered and sought relief. I’ve taken my bodyweight in Benedryl. I’ve tried every type of salve and ointment over the years; I still can’t bear the smell of bleach from repeated washings with the caustic chemical some years back. I found none that were any more than adequate until recently, when I tried a product I had never heard of before: Zanfel.
I had my reservations; at $35 for a one ounce tube of the stuff, it didn’t exactly inspire carefree test runs. But I bit the bullet and threw the costly cream into my Walmart buggy.
(All the while grumbling that something that small that costs so much is usually measured in gigabytes.)
Still, the paste-like wash claims to bind to Urushiol – the chemical that causes the itchy, red rash – and wash it away. Use it before an outbreak and it’s supposed to prevent any reaction.
Once the angry rash appears, the box promises that Zanfel can stop the itch in 30 seconds. (This claim is punctuated with an exclamation point on the box, so you know to be excited by it.)
I was already a week or so into the reaction, so I had to fight every instinct instilled in me over years of poison reactions and actually touch the rash.
I rubbed the semi-gritty cream into the angry areas on my calves and amazingly it lived up to its claim: it stopped the itch. On top of that, it kept the itch away for most of a day with one application. So in other words, the large-print proclamation on one side of the box is true: “It works!”
Of course, since you get so little for such a high price tag, I still am reluctant to use the stuff. Now that I’m in the last throes of the insurgency, I’m trying to muddle through without it and save what’s left of the tube for the next outbreak.
I just wish I had heard about Zanfel sooner and have yet to figure out if it is a new product or just one that’s flown under my poison radar; a Google search didn’t turn up any conclusive information.
But the stuff does include a tear-off section of the instructions for spreading the word to friends and pharmacists, so I’m guessing it hasn’t been around for too long. I’m guessing they didn’t know I was a columnist or the instructions would’ve told me to write about their product, too. I hope they don’t mind.
(For the record, any grateful makers of Zanfel can get info for mailing free samples to me at the e-mail address below.)
If you find this column causes an allergic reaction, Brandon Szuminsky can be reached at bszuminsky@heraldstandard.com.