Hitting ‘send’ truly irreversible
Sexting has been on Pat Mowen’s radar for the past six or seven years.
“A lot of schools specifically ask me to address this, even as early as fifth grade,” said Mowen, the prevention educator at Fayette County Crime Victims Center (CVC). Teachers hear things, she said, and they ask for age-appropriate guidance for the students.
Mowen and CVC Executive Director Michelle Shumar agreed that the goal is to drive the message home with prevention education so that they don’t have to encounter young people in the diversionary program.
“I tell them: it is harmful. It is illegal. It can be devastating, and it can impact your future,” said Mowen.
In working with students through preventative education and the diversionary program, Mowen said she emphasizes many of the same points.
“I tell them to stop and think — are there any consequences if I take this photo? If I send it? What may happen if this gets out?”
Galadriel Strauser, of Uniontown, is the mother of four young men and three young women, ages 23, 19, 18, 18, 17, 15 and 14. She has gained some insight into sexting over the past few years.
“I tried really hard to give them freedom to be kids, but protect them from the nastiness that’s out in the world,” Strauser said.
With the flick of a thumb, Strauser can open a program on her phone and monitor her children’s texting. She can see how many, when and to whom.
“Many times I see them doing mildly inappropriate teenage things, and don’t say a word. I just watch their progress and then weave conversations about my opinion on what they’re doing into the fabric of natural conversations later on, without actually calling out their behavior specifically.”
Strauser said she uses a service offered by her cellular provider to track the kids’ usage and Find My iPhone to track their actual whereabouts.
“I know that there are better apps to read and look at absolutely everything they do, but would you have wanted your mom reading the little paper notes you passed when you were a kid? No way,” she said.
Some parents are apprehensive about learning more than they bargained for, but Strauser said she thinks it’s important to be vigilant anyway.
“Sometimes you do see uncomfortable things,” she said. “But the stakes are too high here to not look.”
Mowen said her goals in speaking to children are to define sexting, identify common dangers associated with sending inappropriate texts, recognize that certain texting situations can be harmful even when close friends are involved, and appreciate that hitting the “send” is truly irreversible.
Adolescents crave privacy, Mowen said. At the same time, the are often exploring freedom, autonomy and sexuality. Add handheld digital technology, and the potential for trouble is great.
Mowen said she’s observed that teens often fail to see the bigger picture.
“They don’t think of the consequences for themselves or other people,” Mowen said. “They don’t understand that they have no control over who or where that image goes.”
Mowen said young people often have a false sense of security, and lean toward thinking they won’t get caught or that the people they share private images and conversations with won’t betray their confidence.
Further, young people don’t always grasp the lasting effects on victims of unwanted sharing of private digital information, she said.
Pointing to headline-making incidents nationwide in which young people resorted to suicide in the wake of sexting-related privacy breaches, Mowen emphasized, “It has such a profound effect on the psychological and emotional development of a child.”
“Your actions and words can damage someone so much,” she said.
And yet, things still may happen.
Strauser offered the following advice: “Try to remain calm no matter what you find, because if you find something and freak out, it doesn’t necessarily stop the behavior, it just makes them hide it better next time.”
“Try to have conversations, not shouting matches,” she added. “And sometimes, you’re really pleasantly surprised by what you find. I have often been so proud of my kids’ responses to things that I would not have found out about had I not been snooping around.”
In the course of talking to teens throughout Fayette County, Mowen said she urges them to protect themselves, to keep their passwords private, and to look out for each other. When they see activity they know is inappropriate, she advises them not to participate, not to feed into something that may ultimately hurt another student.
Said Mowen, “The real challenge is teaching empathy.”