Student, parent speak out about past sexual harassment at school
Two years ago, a 14-year-old student went to school with a bottle of pills, hoping the day would go well enough that she wouldn’t decide to take them. She did.
Now, she is advocating for change after surviving years of sexual harassment at school, knowing students at schools everywhere face sexually-based antagonism and other problems. Her grade-point average — which had plummeted to 1.3 — is now 3.7. She is performing in a starring role at her school’s musical.
The Laurel Highlands Senior High School junior, whose mother asked to keep her identity private, decided to speak out about the harassment she suffered at the conclusion of a recent assembly regarding school shootings. Her mom, Carrie Attaway, said with the huge number of recent school shootings and threats of violence, she believes now is the time to find solutions to keep students safe, including prevention of bullying and harassment, supporting victims and their perpetrators.
“I think about my daughter and, well, she could have snapped in a different direction. She could have decided to take these people out that were torturing her. Instead, she decided to take herself out,” she said, and paused thoughtfully. “I don’t want to draw parallels that don’t exist. But it’s just common sense. People break after you’ve been pushed to the limit.”
Breaking point
“It started in 7th Grade, when a boy touched me for the first time,” the teen said.
She talked to her guidance counselor, who made sure the boy never groped her again. In her freshman year, a new assailant found her.
“He would tell me every day what he wanted to do to me in explicit detail,” she said.
He would grope her on a daily basis, only stopping when her friend grabbed him and threatened him. The students shifted to a more passive approach, spreading hurtful rumors and calling her vulgar names.
“I was labeled as a whore at school. Everyone at the school would label me as that,” she said.
One day at lunch, a group of boys cornered her and threatened to gang rape her. After she reported the threat, the principal stood at lunch to watch out for her, and there were no further lunchtime incidents.
“I felt immense anxiety, not just because I was scared to be touched or groped again. It was just every day being told that you’re not good enough,” she said. “I would shake on my way to school. I would just shake and cry and my heart would be racing every day.”
At the end of February 2016, the only solution she could see was suicide. She took pills to school, unsure if she would take them. Her uncertainty only lasted for one class.
“After first period there was so much anxiety building up, so I took them.”
Another student found her in the bathroom. After a week in a mental hospital, she returned to school and the rumor mill. Attaway planned to move her daughter to cyber school, but administrators encouraged her to stay.
“Honestly, the result of them encouraging us to keep her in school turned out good in the end. I’m not angry with the school. I’m really not,” Attaway said. “She is a success story.”
Searching for solutions
“I hear all this talk about, let’s arm our guards. Let’s everybody get up in arms and make sure we have the guns to fight the guns that are coming in,” Attaway said at a school board meeting Feb. 15. “What about the root cause?”
The student said she often felt neglected by the school when she reported problems. She felt criticized when administrators addressed her dropping grades and absences instead of looking for the reasons behind them. Instead of moving a student to another class, she said staff moved her “because it was inconvenient for him” to move.
Superintendent Dr. Jesse Wallace submitted a statement by email after explaining on a phone call that confidentiality laws prohibit comments specific to students and disciplinary measures.
“In regard to the matter discussed, please be aware that the LHSD followed all protocols, procedures, and policy pertaining to the investigation of this matter. Additionally, we follow-up on and investigate all reports of harassment; as a result of the investigation, we apply the discipline code as appropriate,” he said.
Since Attaway’s public comment, she said the school has unofficially offered potential solutions in the form of curriculum changes to increase empathy, morality and sense of community. She suggested school assemblies be held at a smaller level, with individual students, and bring parents into student conflicts. She asked the school to examine its policies and procedures to determine if they are working and what changes could be made. Wallace said at the meeting the policies are frequently amended. Attaway further requested she and other parents whose children were victimized at school be incorporated into discussions to find solutions.
“I can tell you that the board, the administration, the staff – we try to keep every student safe,” said Wallace after Attaway addressed the school board.
“I believe you,” she said. “I appreciate you guys. I feel like you’re all genuine.”
She added she does not want to become mired in the past, but hopes the experience will spur solutions.
The teen said she is no longer harassed at school, but she witnesses similar antagonism directed at her younger friends and other students.
“It’s horrible to watch it happen to other people,” she said.
After healing from the trauma, she and her mother have made it their mission to create change and support victims.
“You know, I’m kinda relentless,” Attaway said, leaning against the rust-red door frame of her South Gallatin Avenue office. “Especially when somebody says nothing can be done.”
Root causes of school violence
School shootings and violence are often perpetrated by students facing multi-faceted problems, including mental health disorders and problems at home and school, said Pat Mowen, prevention educator at the Fayette County Crime Victims’ Center. She speaks to students at schools throughout the county about bullying and other topics.
“I don’t think we can prevent it completely. I think we can do much more to reduce the risk,” she said.
She encouraged communication between parents and school administrators and local legislators. Noticing and addressing indicators like isolation, dropping grades, missing school, uncontrolled anger and access to weapons is the first step toward helping students and preventing violence, she said.
“When lives are lost because somebody dropped the ball, that makes the tragedy even more horrific,” she said.
Building healthy relationships, tolerance and respect for one another are lessons Mowen teaches to even her youngest audiences.
“A lot of students have expressed to me they just want to be accepted for who they are,” she said.
A message to students
Last year, Attaway said her daughter’s grades were so low she did not think she would be accepted into college. This year, she made the honor roll.
The teen said her grades suffered as a direct result of anxiety and depression from constant harassment. Now, her confidence is renewed, and she has found new purpose in advocating for other students who suffer in school.
“When I wake up in the morning, I see the point in living,” she said.
She encouraged students who are experiencing bullying or harassment to remember the people who care for them and ask for help.
“You’re not alone. And even though it seems like there is nobody there for you, there are people. You have a support system,” she said. “Even if it seems like there’s no point in breathing or trying, you’re going to be OK. You’re going to get through this.”
If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.