Enduring love: Local couples share advice for marital bliss
Traditionally, each wedding anniversary is denoted by a certain type of gift: Paper, cotton, leather, fruit or flowers, and wood, to name a few.
Those first five years may not be celebrated with the fanciest of materials, but longtime couples can attest that they improve over time, just like marriage.
Twenty-five years of marriage is typically referred to as the “silver anniversary.” Burgettstown couple Sarah and Ian Mitchell reached that milestone in 2023, and are getting ready to celebrate their 27th anniversary this Independence Day.
Sarah is originally from the state of California, and Ian grew up in Jefferson Hills. They met as teenagers in the early 1990s and married in Pittsburgh on July 4, 1998.
“He is a steel mill worker. When we got married, they were only allowed vacation the week of July Fourth and the week of Christmas. July Fourth happened to be on a Saturday,” Sarah said.
Today, Ian works at Universal Stainless in Bridgeville, while Sarah works in home health care. That means they work opposite shifts. They may have a short time together after Sarah gets home in the afternoon, and before Ian leaves for work.
“Sometimes, it’s hard. You don’t get to see each other much. When you do see each other, there is so much to figure out,” Sarah said, adding that patience and understanding help make it work. “And we value the time we do have together.”
Sarah thinks communication is key to a healthy, lasting marriage.
“You have to be on the same page with everything. We both have a really strong work ethic. One of the things that really helped us, we paid the bills together. Nobody was out spending money that we didn’t have,” Sarah said.
That is especially important while raising three children, including one with special needs. Parents need to be in agreement on how to raise their kids.
“Make sure you agree on the same standards … Support each other, and back each other up,” Sarah said.
Until their silver anniversary, the Mitchells had not taken a vacation as a couple, not even a honeymoon.
To celebrate the milestone of 25 years, they took an Alaskan cruise.
“The two of us went to Alaska. It was gorgeous. I would strongly suggest it to anybody,” Sarah said.
In Fallowfield Township, Debra and James Wagner celebrated their golden anniversary last July when they reached the 50-year mark.
The Wagners met at the age of 15 and married at 17.
Debra gave birth to their daughter, Ethel, soon after, and they later had a son, Jimmy.
“It’s like we grew up with them. Now they’re on their own,” Debra said, adding that they have five grandchildren.
Through 50 years, there are bound to be mistakes made in the relationship. The Wagners say couples shouldn’t let those issues fester.
“You got to have forgiveness. If there are problems, you do your best to fix them,” Debra said. “Another good thing that helps is try not to go to bed angry. Because the longer you hold off, the worse it gets.”
It has been rewarding for Debra and James to see their kids raise families of their own, and they cherish the time they get with their grandchildren.
Debra says grandkids offer a new perspective on what’s important. If the grandkids are over, the dirty dishes can wait.
“You know, that kind of stuff can wait. It doesn’t matter anymore. But when you’re trying to raise your own kids, you just don’t have that time. You’re too busy trying to provide, put a roof over their head,” Debra said. “My daughter will say, ‘You never let us do that.’ What can I tell you? What they want, they get.”
The Wagners are planning to celebrate 50 years together with a trip to New Orleans at the end of the month. It will be their first time visiting the city.
“And I wanted to make sure it was during Mardi Gras, because I always wanted to see Mardi Gras,” Debra said.
Another couple that very recently celebrated their gold anniversary is Chris and Peggy Smyth.
The Smyths reside in Wolfdale, though they have lived in various places in the region. Chris and Peggy met in Waynesburg and married at Waynesburg Methodist Church on Jan. 17, 1975.
“We started in Waynesburg, moved to Carmichaels, and moved to Uniontown,” Chris said.
Chris worked for multiple power companies, and Peggy spent 25 years teaching algebra and geometry at Uniontown High School.
For the Smyths, what has helped the marriage last 50 years is that they are friends first and foremost.
“You have to be friends before you can be spouses. If you don’t like the other person, you’re not going to get along,” Peggy said.
She added that you also can’t expect everything to be 50/50.
“You never wake up expecting to get your fair share. Always be ready to give more than you get,” Chris said. “People think wedding vows are just nice words, but they are promises. Not only to your spouse, but to yourself, family, friends and in front of God. That puts a pretty heavy price tag on it.”
The Smyths note that they dealt with their share of hardships through the years. Whether that is getting laid off at work or helping parents deal with health struggles or going back to school, they were in it together.
“Problems are always temporary. It will straighten out sometime,” Chris said.
Peggy and Chris raised two daughters, and have five grandsons.
In retirement the couple have traveled quite a bit – to the Panama Canal, Hawaii, Alaska, Ireland, Iceland and Scotland. Those were all before the pandemic. With inflation in recent years, they have opted to not plan any major trips for the 50th anniversary.
A decade after the 50th anniversary comes the diamond anniversary, which Washington couple Rose and Arthur DeRosa hit on June 27.
Rose and Arthur knew each other since they were children, as Arthur was good friends with her brother.
One night in January 1963, they had an unexpected first “date.”
“They were to go to a movie … My brother Bill was sick. He told Art ‘to take Rose,'” Rose said, adding that it was a friendly evening, not romantic.
However, on Valentine’s Day Art showed up with candy and asked Rose for a proper date.
Just a few days before Christmas, a date to the movies turned to a surprise jewelry store trip.
“He said to me, ‘Would you marry me? We’ll go in and buy a ring,'” Rose said.
They married the following June at St. Patrick’s Church in Canonsburg.
Rose notes that in 60 years they have seen their share of difficulties.
“We’ve had financial hardships. We were also burdened with responsibilities. Art took in his mother with Parkinson’s … I took in my sister, Betty, who had Down’s syndrome, after my brother died,” Rose said. “We were too busy pulling together to pull apart.”
What makes it all work though, according to Rose, is a simple word: respect.
“If you can’t respect each other, you don’t have anything,” Rose said.
Rose and Arthur have three children and three grandchildren. Their granddaughter, Natalie Vorum, recently married on Oct. 26 in Las Vegas, with a local reception Nov. 1.
The reception, however, was not entirely as it seemed.
“She went up and took the microphone, and she said, ‘I want my gram and pappy to come up,'” Rose said. “I said to Art, what is she up to now? She’s always playing tricks on us.”
Turns out Natalie became ordained through the internet, and had her grandparents renew their vows.
“I can’t believe Natalie did that,” Rose said.
For young couples, Rose’s best advice is that honesty and respect will help navigate the rough spots.
“Working together will get you through. Love is a memory that no one can take from you,” Rose said. “So you just make those memories.”