Jun 4, 2002 4 min read

It’s got to be a girl thing. Monday mornings at the office usually find us talking about anything but work. It’s probably the shock of returning once more after a couple of days of regular living called the weekend.

Well, one co-worker showed off a new outfit. And then asked, “What do you think?’

How many times I have heard that question. If I had a nickel for each time, I could retire – literally.

My wife is far from being a fashion maven. She is stylish but is not the type who dashes to the store every time some new fad hits the living mannequin set.

But she does have rather unique ways of shopping.

First, she never buys anything at full price. You’d have to cut off her arm before you could coerce her into shelling out the regularly tagged sum for any garment.

Second, she doesn’t like to try clothes on at the store. It takes too much time. So, she buys something she likes and brings it home.

Normally, she buys several items, and, thanks to the liberal return policies most stores have today, she tries them all on, looks at herself in the hall mirror and then does something that has to be the bane of every married man’s being.

She comes to me (and probably wives everywhere do this to their husbands) and asks, “Well, how do I look?’

Now many men for years when faced with this crisis simply smile and say, “You look great, honey. But then you look great in everything,’ and then announce they forgot to change the oil in the car or Fido needs to go for a walk or he forgot to pick up the dry cleaning, using that as a means of escaping the next question.

However, women are quick. In mid-dash, men will find themselves skewered by the follow-up query: “Oh, how sweet. But how do you really think I look in this?’

There have been statements handed down from father to son over generations to deal with this.

Such words as flattering, stylish, appropriate, and phrases including “well-suited to your figure, the colors go well with your complexion, it drapes nicely over your frame,’ have been tried and tested by men dating to Biblical times. The languages and nuances may be different (although I doubt Eve ever asked Adam to comment on her wardrobe before they were banished from the Garden of Eden, if you get my meaning) but the thoughts have been the same.

But once more, women aren’t that gullible. Unless it’s said with absolute sincerity, they go for the jugular.

“Does it make me look old…fat…frumpy…’

This is where the men and the boys part company.

The boys will just reply “No,’ to any of the above questions and move back to whatever they were doing before the impromptu fashion show.

Women know when a man cares about her clothes and when he doesn’t.

However, as another co-worker informed, her husband has to practically leap into the air and scream with glee before she accepts that he really likes something she is wearing.

To which I replied the only way 9,999 men out of 10,000 would respond in such a way is if the garment had come from Victoria’s Secret.

Men, on the other hand, face up to the one impelling fact: there is only one way to get out of this predicament. Tell the truth.

“I don’t think the color is right for you. It’s a little tight, isn’t it? That’s too old-fashioned for you. It’s not young enough.’

And, with such comments I have successfully steered my lovely wife away from outfits that were exactly all those things. At least in my eyes.

What I have finally learned, though, is she already had her mind made up about it before she asked me. I was just confirming her decision that it was either too old looking, it was too tight, etc.

You’d think I could have figured that out long ago. After all, for every 10 outfits my wife has purchased, nine are returned to the store. I don’t think she’s bringing them home for me to look at. She just wants to try them on and see how they look using her own judgment.

But then it takes a real woman to do that. Right dear?

Have a good day.

Editor’s note: Jim Pletcher is the Herald-Standard’s business editor and sefl-proclaimed fashion critic. E-mail: jpletcher@heraldstandard.com. Sharp-eyed readers will note that a new picture accompanies this column and that he is wearing a new shirt, of which we will withhold comment.