Dumb side takes over on too many occasions
Ever brush your teeth with shaving cream or try to spread lard on your bread? It began as any typical Monday, which means it was a chore to get out of bed, stumble across the floor, all the while moaning and rubbing joints stiffened by a night’s inactivity.
I showered, dressed and walked into the bedroom to retrieve my glasses, which I place each night on the dresser nest to my side of the bed. I won’t say I can’t see without them but what I do see reminds me of the Roadrunner’s blur in a Wyle E. Coyote cartoon.
My glasses weren’t there. I paused, went back over all the things I did before turning in and distinctly remembered taking off my glasses, folding them and placing them on the dresser.
“Did I carry them downstairs?’ I thought.
I looked on my desk just to make sure I hadn’t put them there. No, they were nowhere to be seen (pardon the pun – glasses, seen – get it?)
Finally, in the way of an aside, I asked my lovely wife, “Dear, Did you see my glasses?’
“Oh, yes, I have them here. The telephone rang and I put them on thinking they were my glasses. I was so worried after a bit because I couldn’t see. I thought I was having a stroke or going blind.’
We have all done it. Signs of aging perhaps? No. Mistakes happen. We all become preoccupied or for some reason certain connections in our brains just quit working for a moment or two leaving our dumb side in charge.
Some years ago my brother and I regularly visited our aunt and uncle and cousin in Monroeville. My brother, who could be called inattentive at times, walked into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He picked up the first toothpaste tube he saw, squeezed some onto his brush and began cleaning. Problem was he had never before seen shaving cream in a tube. A few passes and he figured there was some major problem with the stuff he was using to clean his teeth.
While we were still both at home he would display his lack of kitchen acumen by trying to boil water. Walking into the kitchen I would notice a red-hot burner on the stove with nothing on it. On a cold burner just next to it would be a pot of water. I would call out to my brother in the living room, “Are you boiling water?’ He would reply, “Yeh, is it done yet?’ I would reply, “No. It will be a few more minutes,’ and place the pan on the hot burner.
Some years later, when I was living the life of a bachelor, I stopped on my way home from work to purchase a few groceries. I noticed a cooler where the sign advertised what I thought were sticks of margarine, a pound for 19 cents. Even in those days that was an excellent (really unbelievable) price. Not being greedy I put one box of the stuff into my cart.
Unwrapping a stick at home and placing it in a butter dish to soften a bit before use I noticed how pale it was. It turned out to be pure lard, in stick form, just like butter or margarine. I found that out after I spread some on a peanut butter sandwich and gagged halfway through eating it.
I have also purchased hair conditioner when I thought I was buying shampoo. They all come in the same bottle types. In the days when I smoked (a nasty, filthy, dirty habit that all should avoid) I would often light one cigarette only to find another already burning in the ashtray. And one of my all time favorites was when I stood, happily watching my senior class homecoming court drive by at the big football game of the year only to realize that as they passed and smiled at me, my zipper was down.
There was nothing to be seen but it was most vexingly embarrassing moment I can recall in my half-century plus life.
To this day I don’t know if any of the girls noticed and I don’t want to know.
But it has never happened since.
So what have you done that makes you think your brain has slipped a cog or two? Put the milk in the cupboard thinking you were placing it in the fridge? Laid your slippers on the back stoop and let the cat in instead of out? Tried to open the door of your car in a parking lot only to discover it’s not your car but one that looks like it?
Don’t worry.
We’re only human.
And that’s the really scary part.
Have a good day.