Apr 11, 2006 4 min read

When I was a kid, there was a perfume advertisement that said something like, “Promise her anything, but give her Arpege.’ My variation on that is, “Give me a new tool and watch me work.’

I guess I’m like most people. If there’s a gadget, device, contraption or conveyance that can make a task go a little easier, then I’m all for trying it, especially when it comes down to doing yard work.

And if it doesn’t exist, I’ll try to make it.

I once rigged the grass cutting deck on our lawn tractor to shoot leaves into a big wire mesh basket atop a cart so I could more efficiently (which means use less muscle) clear up the yard. It had its flaws but it worked very well.

But when I don’t have the correct tool for the job, I tend to get a little too aggressive in whatever back yard project inspires me. That leads me into all sorts of entanglements, most of which result in some blood loss.

Of course, that could be avoided if I had the proper implements.

Examining some of our trees and bushes recently at our current home, I decided it was time to get busy.

But scouring our garage, I failed to locate any hand clippers to prune away the rough-looking foliage. Oh, I found a big pair of loppers (those things you use to chop off tree branches) and a couple of pairs of hand hedge clippers. But no pruners for finer work.

We used to have a pair, although they weren’t the best quality. The catch keeping the blades closed was broken. Plus, I think I hid them (too well) after the last time my lovely wife went wild in the backyard cutting off nearly every tiny branch on trees, bushes, etc., and leaving me to clean up the mess. (Her rationale is “I trim – you can clean up.’)

Well, we needed new ones anyway. I decided to invest a little more money than usual and buy a couple: one for regular clipping and another for cuts that would be slightly cleaner. I am determined to grow roses (so far unsuccessfully) and needed at least one pair, according to some information I read, of anvil pruners.

I couldn’t wait to try them out. Especially on one of the worst shrubs we have in our yard – a gnarly firethorn bush right outside the front door.

I had hacked away at it with all sorts of things to keep it in check: a bow saw, chain saw, and the loppers. Each time, its spiny thorns scratched at me worse than our cat when we try to trim his claws.

This time, armed with the proper tools, I took the methodical approach. Wearing heavy leather gloves, I clipped off one snaggletoothed arm, carefully chopped it into smaller pieces, and deposited them into a large garbage can. That began getting pretty tedious after about an hour so I started cutting the branches a little longer. More minutes elapsed, as did my patience, and I was hacking off bigger limbs with multiple spindly stems. By that time I was once more bleeding from a host of cuts, punctures and scratches. I bundled up most of the cuttings, bagged the rest and retired for the day. I also decided that I had bled enough over that bush and the next stage is to remove it in its entirety.

However, the tools I had purchased made the job much easier to tackle. I still bled, but it didn’t seem to bother me as much.

There are a lot of other things I want to do around the yard. My wife would like a small patio in the back yard. One tree close to the house is getting a little too large and I might have to take it out. The roots of that firethorn bush are going to be tough work removing.

So, maybe I should go for something bigger in the way of tools. Maybe a backhoe or a bulldozer. After all, one must use the correct tool for the task.

All I need is the right machine and I’m in business, as long as the bleeding doesn’t get too bad.

Maybe I’d better re-evaluate my plans. What do you think? No, don’t answer that until after you picture me atop a bulldozer.

Have a good day.

James Pletcher Jr. is business editor of the Herald-Standard. He can be reached at 724-439-7571 or by email at begin Jpletcher@heraldstandard.com Jpletcher@heraldstandard.com end

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