How well do you know Bill DeWeese
With House Democratic Leader Bill DeWeese in line to become the Speaker, all of us can expect an amusing, if not headache, of a time sorting through his many verbal twists and turns and purple prose. DeWeese is the master of botching up a good quote because his tetra-syllabic words require a frequent douse of Webster’s. DeWeese is out to impress, to wow, his audience with his smarts and bowties, a condition that somehow doesn’t at all seem in keeping with his low-key Greene County district.
So, it’s time for a pop-quiz of DeWeese-isms. This will determine whether you can, from now on, safely – no, we’ll say honorably -watch House floor proceedings on the Pennsylvania Cable Network.
1. The Chester County election vote count giving House control to Democrats was “punctuated with exactitude.”
A. Has lots of holes in its methodology.
B. A precise and definitive victory.
C. Still battling with Republicans over a final disputed vote.
2. DeWeese remembers the “apostasy” of Rep. Tom Stish, who’s unexpected switch to the GOP in 1994 caused DeWeese to become Minority Leader.
A. Abandonment of one’s faith or principles.
B. The delivery of flowers or other tokens of appreciation.
C. In deep trouble for a mistake.
3. The lobbyist who hired DeWeese’s ex-wife was a “vainglorious popinjay,” according to a legendary letter DeWeese sent to him.
A. Lucky, fortunate.
B. A proud, conceited and talkative parrot of a person.
C. One who gets rich off the misfortunes of others.
4. The Democrats are at a “propitious” moment in history and Gov. Ed Rendell entering a “quadrennium” with a 20-point win on Election Day.
A. Advantageous for the next four years.
B. Who knows what will happen.
C. Democrats may be winning now, but their future success is elusive.
5. Internal House Democratic dynamics haven’t been this friendly since former House Speaker “Big Jim Mandarino was gathered at the bosom of Abraham in the late 1980s.”
A. Mandarino defected like Stish to the GOP and good-riddance.
B. Mandarino found the Lord in the halls of the House, of all places.
C. Mandarino died.
6. House Democrats wouldn’t be at this “comparably sanguinary” moment without DeWeese’s right-hand man Whip Mike Veon, the “political panjandrum of all time.”
A. A bright future made possible by Veon, a self-important leader.
B. A depressing moment because Veon lost re-election, putting Democratic control of the House in jeopardy.
C. Veon was good for the Democratic caucus and probably would continue to be as a gambling lobbyist.
7. With DeWeese in charge, property tax reform will be at the “dizzying zenith” of the legislative agenda.
A. At the bottom, way bottom, as in nowhere to be seen or heard.
B. DeWeese is confused. Does the public care?
C. At scaling heights. It’s going to pass if he has a say, by God.
8. DeWeese repaired a lot of “perplexities and vexations” in his caucus in order to win the leadership elections.
A. He took everyone out to a five-star dinner with money from his $13 million leadership account.
B. He listened carefully to people’s disgruntlements and brought them to his side.
C. The Democratic members are still suspicious of DeWeese’s intentions after he demoted 15 of them for voting against the pay raise last year.
9. After Thanksgiving Day last year, DeWeese said he realized he would be in a “battle royale.”
A. In the latest James Bond film.
B. He’d have to work hard to win re-election.
C. How does a politician campaign door-to-door? Will these shoes last?
10. DeWeese said he would work “collaboratively, collaterally and continually” with his new Whip Keith McCall.
A. They hate each other, but they’ll find a way to get along.
B. They will become bosom drinking buddies, forget public policy.
C. They are going to work together against all odds.
Answers: 1. B; 2. A; 3. B; 4. A; 5. C; 6. A; 7. C; 8. B; 9. B; 10. C
An able DeWeese translator: 7 to 10 answers correct. You are so well-versed in DeWeese-isms, you should get a job in the new House translation office. You will be well adept, without frustration and maybe even a little pleasure, to appreciating DeWeese at the Speaker’s dais. Warning: You may still be tripped up by words that don’t really exist or have incorrect connotations.
This is madness: 4 to 6 answers correct. You’ll certainly be able to understand much by context, but for precise details you’re going to need to keep a pocket dictionary by your side.
Huh? What did he say?: 0 to 3 answers correct. No offense, but you might as well turn the channel to the latest version of Fear Factor. What happens on the House floor may be just as gruesome, but you’re certainly not going to get it, at least with DeWeese in charge.
Alison Hawkes can be reached at 717-705-6330 or at ahawkes@calkins-media.com