Aug 9, 2009 5 min read

This article covers the eighth of 11 fatherhood topics from our Dad 2 Dad class. These topics are part of a curriculum called “24/7 Dad” which was developed by the National Fatherhood Initiative. We hope to encourage dads to sign up for our Dad 2 Dad class, support dad’s role as an involved, effective father and give solid information about fatherhood. Session 9: Discipline, Rewards, and Punishment When grocery shopping, we meet all kinds of people…and their children. Every trip is a novel experience. I enjoy shopping because it publicly shows how many people tend to discipline their children.

After reading the title, you may say that good grocery shopping behavior is impossible, but we at Dads Matter say it’s all about anticipating what you and your children need in the situations you experience.

Have you ever heard those kids who whine, cry or wail for toys or candy?

Or perhaps you’ve noticed that angry parent yelling at those quiet, seemingly well-behaved kids?

Maybe the parents or children are feeling stressed or rushed. Perhaps the children are hungry or tired.

Shopping while hungry, tired or in a hurry can bring out the worst in you and your kids.

However these problems can be dealt with or even avoided altogether.

Consider these three hurdles which parents must overcome before leaving home: poor planning, lack of clear purpose, and inconsistent discipline.

Poor planning is the easiest hurdle to overcome. Start by shopping after eating dinner and if necessary bring a simple snack for your kids.

It could be pretzels or cookies in a little plastic bag.

Avoid shopping after your children’s bedtime.

If your children are old enough, leave them at home or with other parents in your family or neighborhood. You could take turns watching each other’s kids too.

You may or may not choose to bring your children with, you but when you go shopping you should have a clear purpose in your mind. Whether it’s to purchase pants, Poptarts or prescriptions. You want to buy necessary items and take them home.

So what is your children’s purpose during the shopping trip?

It’s not to “bug the living daylights out of you,” though I’m sure it feels that way sometimes. Rather I believe they “bug” you because they do not know what part to play in “your” purpose…yet.

In Dad 2 Dad we discuss how we put our children in adult situations without considering their needs.

Make a list or think about what age-appropriate tasks you could give your children the next time you take them shopping.

It’s most important that you give your children tasks where they will succeed, which will give them confidence and make them want to help you more.

Of course, you are blessed if you have an infant or newborn, as children this young can easily sleep through an entire shopping trip.

For toddlers who ride in the cart, you could give them familiar, safe items to “help you” by holding such as shampoo, clothing or a box or can of food. Grade school children can get items from lower store shelves and put them in the cart.

Your little ones may get a thrill out of “paying” for your groceries, and older kids can unload everything at the checkout and help bag things afterward.

Children of all ages enjoy helping to make a shopping list when it includes food they want to eat.

By giving your children responsibility in a “fun” way, you’re letting them share your purpose.

As for inconsistent discipline – well, we just covered some easy ways to make it more consistent for your whole family. To “discipline” means to “teach” rather than to “punish.”

Your family shopping trips can go more smoothly when your children have a clear purpose for being there and meaningful tasks to do. Have fun shopping!

If you want to register (it’s free) for our next Dad 2 Dad class starting Mon., Aug. 31 or if you want more information about this topic or other issues that affect you as a father just call 724-437-2590 or send an e-mail to dadsmatter@dadsmatter.info – we would appreciate hearing from you.

Seth W. Caton is the father of two young boys. Caton is the Outreach and Recruitment Specialist for Dads Matter of Fayette County, a responsible fatherhood education program. Dads Matter is a department of the Private Industry Council of Westmoreland/Fayette, Inc. The opinions expressed and suggestions offered are based upon the professional preparation and life experiences of the author. If you should need additional support you may wish to see a licensed counselor or family psychologist.

Dads Matter services are available to all eligible persons, regardless of race, gender, age, disability, or religion. Participation is FREE and strictly voluntary. Funding is provided by the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Grant: 90FR0075/03. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this material are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families. Questions/Comments can be addressed to “Ask Dads Matter” in care of the Herald Standard.