You are your child’s instruction manual
This article covers the ninth of 11 fatherhood topics from our Dad 2 Dad class. These topics are part of a curriculum called “24/7 Dad” which was developed by the National Fatherhood Initiative. We hope to encourage dads to sign up for our Dad 2 Dad class, support dad’s role as an involved, effective father and give solid information about fatherhood. Session 10: Expectations and Children’s Development “OK, fine! You can play outside,” said Suzie’s frustrated father. The nagging stopped, once again, because Suzie got what she wanted.
Instantly Suzie hopped down the steps and ran past her dad and his 1968 GTO – hood up, oil draining. Suzie bounded into the front yard.
Dad wiped his sweaty face with a faded handkerchief and continued to work on his car. He was relieved to have her out of his hair for a little while. Suzie always liked cars. She would study them intently everywhere she and her family went. Suzie wasn’t afraid of them either.
Traffic was increasing as neighborhood teenagers began cruising the block. As a magnet attracts iron, so Suzie was drawn to the edge of the road. Soon she was enjoying whoosh after whoosh of hot air as each car zoomed by her.
Dad, angry to see what was going on, yelled: “Suzie! What do you think you’re doing?! You’re gonna get run over!” Suzie was toeing the white line as Dad grabbed her. She was in tears by the time he turned the front door’s tarnished brass handle and handed her off to Mom.
Would it surprise you that Suzie was three years old and it was not the first time she had been left unsupervised like this? Believe it or not, this is based on a true story.
“Oh my goodness, what kind of father would let this happen?!” you exclaim. Actually any dad (or mom) who doesn’t understand how a child’s mind develops could…anytime, anyplace.
Dad expected her to understand the danger of the road, but Suzie wondered what went wrong. Was it bad that Suzie didn’t behave like an adult would? Of course not! Dad’s expectations simply didn’t fit her age.
In our Dad 2 Dad class we cover all the “ages and stages” of how your child will develop and grow so you know what to expect along the way. We try to provide you with a toolkit of great activities and ideas to get your kids involved and help them reach higher stages of development.
We hear from some dads (and moms) that their children are “bad” or even that they sometimes want their kids “out of their hair.”
While we don’t want to see children as “bad,” we don’t doubt that many parents need to do something about the nagging, crying and complaining. This behavior is common in all ages of children.
For smaller children, start by looking at your child’s behavior as normal and an expression of interest and curiosity in whatever you are doing. Your child wants to figure out your world, but there’s no printed instruction manual to guide him or her. Instead you are your child’s instruction manual.
So take every opportunity to teach your child about your shared world. He or she will learn what something is, how you use it, how to be safe, and so much more. Listed below are a few ideas Dad can use next time Suzie is nagging, and an important value Suzie would end up learning:
Dad could give Suzie ways to help like holding tools for him. (Teamwork)
Dad could take a short break from working on the car to play outside with Suzie. (Balancing Work & Play)
Dad could guide Suzie back inside to work with Mom. (Compromise)
Dad could ask Suzie to stay with him and wail until he was done working. (Patience)
If you want more information on this topic or to register for our free Dad 2 Dad class starting Mon., Aug. 31 then call at 724-437-2590 or send an e-mail to dadsmatter@dadsmatter.info – we would appreciate hearing from you.
Seth W. Caton is the father of two young boys. Caton is the Outreach and Recruitment Specialist for Dads Matter of Fayette County, a responsible fatherhood education program. Dads Matter is a department of the Private Industry Council of Westmoreland/Fayette, Inc. The opinions expressed and suggestions offered are based upon the professional preparation and life experiences of the author. If you should need additional support you may wish to see a licensed counselor or family psychologist.
Dads Matter services are available to all eligible persons, regardless of race, gender, age, disability, or religion. Participation is FREE and strictly voluntary. Funding is provided by the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Grant: 90FR0075/03. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this material are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families.
Questions/Comments can be addressed to “Dads Matter” in care of the Herald Standard.