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LCB shouldn’t bring wine kiosks back

Arthur C. Clarke was believed to be taking a shot at IBM rather than the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board in “2001, A Space Odyssey” (each of the letters in HAL, the dysfunctional computer that drives the story, is one letter removed from each letter in IBM). But the meltdown of the PLCB’s supermarket wine kiosks, with their all-seeing soulless eyes and refusal to obey their human masters, is eerily reminiscent of Mr. Clarke’s cautionary tale.

The state wine monopoly shut down the supermarket-based wine-dispensing machines last week after they repeatedly refused consumers’ demands to open the wine-bay doors. One can only imagine the view of PLCB functionaries in Harrisburg watching angry consumers through the kiosk cameras, as customers repeatedly swiped their licenses to prove their age, blew into the device’s breath analyzer to prove they weren’t drunk, swiped their credit cards and agreed to the comically named $1 “convenience fee,” only to be denied their purchase. In space, no one can hear you scream. But they can in the supermarket.

Even before they crashed, the wine kiosks were a classic government misadventure. The PLCB, recognizing that consumers want the convenience of buying wine at the markets where they purchase food but refusing to relinquish its iron grip on alcohol sales, came up with the wine kiosks. The monstrosities required everything of consumers but an airport-style body scan for the privilege of buying a bottle of wine in Pennsylvania.

Now, even after the devices’ dysfunction, the PLCB fails to recognize their absurdity. The agency says they will be back soon after the new year.

Machines, especially computers, have their place as tools in the hands of competent humans. The PLCB should scrap its HAL-like kiosks in exchange for simple supermarket sales, where consumers choose their products, and sales are recorded by computer at the checkout. If it works for General Mills, it can work for the PLCB.

The Scranton Times Tribune

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