Jul 7, 2010 By Herald Standard Staff 4 min read

It’s very befuddling. Somehow, my wardrobe keeps shrinking.

No, I don’t mean in quantity. I mean in size.

In fact, my wardrobe is in need of an update.

Of course, I don’t like shopping for clothes because, apart from shirts that are so trussed up with pins, plastic clips, paper and cardboard inserts, making it impossible to try them on until you get them home, you have to try on coats and pants.

Trying on suit and sport coats is all right because I can do that right by the rack. Then my lovely wife gives me her opinion after having me turn around several times so she can view me from all angles.

Trying on pants is another story. For that, you must enter one of those elfin-sized cubicles where you get brush burns on your elbows when you try to turn around. Trying to avoid this task, I “guesstimated” that a recent purchase would fit me rather than attempted a try-on in the changing stall. Those slacks have been riding around in the trunk of my car since. Why? I tried them on at home and they were just a little too small.

I’ve had this problem for some time and, although I have tackled my weight-challenged size before, I realize that the time has finally, incontrovertibly and absolutely come for me to do something about it. Not just for the sake of my health, my sanity and, most important, to become a new man for my wife, but also for economy. Large-size clothes are never on sale and they always cost more than average-sized stuff.

My coat size is creeping up near my age. Most sizes I must now search for in the store’s “Big and Tall” section, what I call the “Grandly Fat” area. When I see myself in a mirror, I no longer view a svelte 30-year-old but a hippo-like going-on-60.

What helped to convince me that I must re-evaluate and take action was a singularly depressing moment during a shopping expedition.

I spotted a very appealing suit. I liked the color and it was on sale, two factors that appeal to me. But I had to reach almost the end of the rack to find a coat to fit, the end of the rack being where the large sizes hang. I found matching pants, also at the end of the rack.

Well, I could just barely get the pants buttoned. So I asked the store clerk if they carried one size larger. “No, that’s the largest we have,” the clerk said, with a grieved look. I think he knew he would miss getting a sale.

I hated hanging that suit up. But what good is a coat without pants?

I can usually find shirts that fit, once more in the large size section of local stores. And, I have a favored website that offers comfortable work shirts in my robust size.

Unfortunately, each, in order to accommodate my hulk, came in an additional half-size more than the ones I had been wearing.

So what did I learn from this experience? That I must lose some weight? Yes, I suppose I could swallow my pride, bite the bullet, chew it over and digest that fact.

Or I could just keep buying bigger clothes.

No thanks. I want to enjoy buying some sale items again in normal sizes. And stop looking like a mammal that should be swimming in the ocean.

Have a good day.

James Pletcher Jr. is Herald-Standard business editor. He can be reached at 724-439-7571 or by e-mail at jpletcher@heraldstandard.com.