Dec 2, 2011 4 min read

Move aside, “Man bites dog.” We now have a new contender: “Dog shoots man.”

If you’re unfamiliar, Man bites dog is an old aphorism in journalism that explains how the mundane, everyday occurrences aren’t news (like a dog who bites a man), but things that are unusual or out of the ordinary (man biting a dog) are going to be newsworthy. The saying has been around for as long as there have been newspapers, and allegedly originally comes from a quote that’s been attributed to at least three different men in the 1800s.

So for going on 200 years, it’s been man on dog violence that’s been the hallmark of the weird and absurd. Well, after this week, it looks like man’s best friend may be the one with some ‘splaining to do.

That’s because a golden lab in Utah managed to step on a shotgun in such a way to shoot his owner in the, uh, backside on Wednesday, according to various media outlets in the area. (One even fingered the pooch in question as the “triggerdog” in the case — ba dum ching!)

It’s the kind of thing you imagine gets dreamed up for the first day in April: Police said 46-year-old Robert Cottingham was bird hunting on Great Salt Lake with his son and brother-in-law. Cottingham had left his 12-gauge shotgun resting on the boat when the three got out to retrieve a duck in the marshy water. Problem was, Piper, the yellow lab, chose this moment to jump back into the boat, landing on the shotgun and, you guessed it, setting it off.

(It’s unclear if the dog then held a paw to its mouth and snickered, like that petulant pooch in Nintendo’s “Duck Hunt.”)

“(The dog) did something to make the gun discharge,” Box Elder County Sheriff’s Chief Deputy Kevin Potter told Utah’s KSL TV. “I don’t know if the safety device was on. It’s not impossible the dog could have taken it off safety.”

It’s not impossible. I can’t help but chuckle. The whole thing is pretty funny — unless you’re Cottingham (or that duck). He took the shotgun blast to the back end from about six feet away. If not for his hip waders and a duck decoy on the boat absorbing some of the birdshot, things could’ve turned out a lot worse for Cottingham, who is expected to make a full recovery. As it was, he had to have 27 pellets removed at the scene.

The media reports of the incident made the whole thing out to be a random happenstance. A quirky (if painful) hunting trip story. A worthy contribution to Man Bites Dog archives everywhere.

But I’m not so sure.

None of the reporters on the scene spoke with the dog, so until proven guilty, we’ll have to assume innocence. But still, it’s a chilling reminder that it’s not just the cat that needs to sleep with one eye open.

It’s worth remembering Piper’s sniper skills the next time you deny your dog an extra cup of kibble or decide it’s too cold to go for a walk — because it just may be your last. Rover might be your best friend — but that doesn’t mean he’s not planning his revenge.

We don’t know what kind of wrong that Piper was trying to set right on Wednesday (perhaps a grudge over being named “Piper”?), but all we know is that Cottingham got the message — with both barrels.

So excuse me, I’m going to go give my dogs a spoonful or two of peanut butter, just to be safe. In the meantime, you all be safe out there. Watch your back(sides).

If you’d like to share a hunting tale, Brandon Szuminsky can be reached at bszuminsky@heraldstandard.com.