Balanced ‘self-talk’ style realistic, healthy
It’s been said that some people have style, while others don’t know how to dress. This may be true in the fashion world. However, in other areas of life that’s not the case, especially when it comes to how you talk to yourself.
I know you’re probably thinking, “Not another article about ‘self-talk’ that wants to tell me to think only positive thoughts.” I’m glad you’re thinking this, because that’s exactly what I’m not going to tell you.
In fact, if you continue reading, I’ll actually encourage you to have negative thoughts. You may be thinking “Doesn’t thinking ‘bad’ things go against the established beliefs of all the popular motivational speakers?” Well, yes, and maybe that’s why you don’t see me on TV. (Or it could be because I don’t have any sense of fashion).
Remember when you were a child and enjoyed riding the seesaw (or maybe you called it a “teeter-totter”)? One of my favorite things to do was to try to balance the seesaw with another person on the other end. This was often challenging if the other kid weighed a lot more (or less) than me. Picture this childhood activity to help you to understand your “self-talk style.”
Imagine you have a perfectly balanced seesaw; that’s how your thought life should be. On each end you have an equal amount of positive and negative thoughts. Achieving this means you have a “balanced” self-talk style. You realistically see both the good and the bad in your life.
For the second style, think of a seesaw with the right side pointed up (as if there was someone really heavy on the other side). This would be individuals who only think about positive things. They totally avoid any negative thoughts. This is a “false positive” self-talk style. Such a person ignores (or tries to ignore) any “bad” things, even if they are true.
Next is the “false negative” style of self-talk. These are people you don’t like being around because they have such gloomy thinking it is visible in all areas of their life. They wouldn’t know a positive thought if it ran over them. Their seesaw is pointing down on the right as if the person on the other side is too light, or not even there.
You’re probably thinking there can’t be a fourth style. After all, what else is there besides a balanced, right side up or right side down seesaw? Have you ever been to the playground that had the balancing board of a seesaw removed? In terms of our self-talk styles, this is a “false balanced” style. This type of person avoids becoming aware of the thoughts going on between their two ears. An individual like this doesn’t like reflecting on what’s going on in their life because it’s too painful for them. Often such a person will also stuff their feelings and might even have a blank expression.
With the truly “balanced” self-talk style, you are in tune with how you talk to yourself. You can have so-called negative thoughts because bad things do happen and they have to be faced to be dealt with. Only thinking “happy” thoughts will not serve you in the long run. I’m even proposing that you are allowed to have an equal amount of good and bad thoughts. That’s because realistically you are not able to manage life’s difficulties if you are not willing to look at both sides of the issue.
So, I challenge you as you begin the New Year to consider what self-talk style you have and to aim at becoming more balanced.
William O’Flaherty is a resident of McClellandtown.