Oct 3, 2012 4 min read

Things are just out of balance.

After 6,000 years of recorded human history, you would think we might be able to figure it out.

Figure what out, you ask?

Why women talk too much and men don’t talk enough.

Now before anyone takes offense, just hear me out. First, I am speaking in terms of married people. And, I am offering this as a generalization. There are cases where this is not true, but for the most part, husbands tend to internalize their feelings (that means they shut up) while wives tend to vocalize them. It’s one of the not-so-marvelous differences between the sexes (there are many more wonderful differences, as any man or woman will admit).

But it would be nice if there were a balance.

For example, one time while driving home, I asked my wife if she could not talk for 60 seconds. I did it in as kind a way as possible, knowing that it might offend her. And, she actually tried. But within about 20 seconds, she was talking again.

To parallel that request, she has, on more than one occasion, asked me what I was thinking, what was on my mind, apparently in an attempt to get me to use my vocal cords. Maybe she thought by asking me it would jump start a conversation. My response? “Oh, nothing in particular.”

“Well, you have to be thinking something,” she said. “You can’t tell me your mind is completely blank.”

Surprise: With men, a mind can be completely blank. Don’t think for one moment that when a man stares off into space he is pondering the complexities of the human mind or the incredible distances light travels in the universe or even what the score was in the last football game he watched. It’s just that a man has the ability to briefly shut down all mental systems. Unfortunately, that ability also disconnects our hearing. But that’s another story entirely.

So you can see there’s a problem.

Wives probably would admit that if husbands talked more they would talk less.

And, husbands would probably admit that if wives talked less they would talk more.

If you add those two statements, like one-plus-one-equals-two, then you clearly see there should be some middle ground, the two sides of the scale should balance, a happy medium could be reached.

But how?

Well, how about as a way to overcome this imbalance, we begin scripting our conversations? We can begin each day with a common “Good morning, dear,” and add to that, “How are you feeling today?” Then each can toddle off to his or her respective bathrooms (if you have more than one in the house — otherwise you will need to write down more conversation for the bathroom). And, of course, make sure to write in goodbyes when you leave for the house.

At the end of the day, each can ask, “How was your day,” and then allow time for a response. Maybe limit the answer to three minutes to start (You can always add to the script if there is something really interesting).

Here’s where most men may have to try harder. After all, the common male response to “How was your day,” is something like, “Okay,” or, “It was just business as usual,” and let it go at that. I suggest husbands come up with at least one particular thing to throw into the conversation about their day’s activity. Likewise, maybe wives can limit their response to just one or two things that happened and save the rest for later.

With that outline as a start, husbands and wives can add to the script until reaching that balance. Husbands may even find it possible to ad lib.

Then (wonder of wonders) the man may begin talking more than the woman.

Sure. When pigs fly.

Have a good day.

James Pletcher Jr. is HeraldStandard.com business editor and can be reached at 724-439-7571 or by e-mail at jpletcher@heraldstandard.com.