Tire inflator takes last breath
One day I was at an auto parts store, looking for a portable tire inflator. I looked around and, being the frugal person that I am, found one for $19.95. I could have gone lower to $12.95, and got one with no light, and no air pressure gauge on it. But I splurged, and went for the gold-plated one.
I had it for about four months, still in the box, never used it. No need. Then a couple of weeks ago I checked the front tires. Both were 15 pounds low. Yikes. I pulled out the trusty tire inflator, broke the seal on the brand new box, and plugged that Mercedes-of-tire inflators in. It started like a Formula 1 race car, blasting air into the left front tire. No problem. Five minutes later, the humming motor slowed down some and rattled a bit, but it did the job. Now on to the right front tire to pump air into a deflated tire.
After about a minute of running wide open, the little machine began to struggle. It rattled, stalled, coughed and jumped around. Then the rattling got louder, it stopped and then started back, and then actually started smoking. Smoke! Heat. I thought it was going to catch on fire, but it died before flames broke out.
What a short life. Out of the box brand new, and dead from exhaustion 10 minutes later. So, I carefully boxed it up, wrote a long note of explanation, and sent it back to the manufacturer, adding that I had thrown away the receipt. I included a line that said “I do not want this returned. Keep it, and bury it somewhere outside your plant. It died an early death.”
Not expecting any response, since I did not ask for a replacement and I had no receipt, plus with the tone of the note, I was surprised when the UPS truck arrived. There on our front porch was a big brown box from the BellAir company.
I cracked open the box, expecting actually to get the same cheap unit I had sent to them back but in running condition. Instead, it was like Christmas. A brand new, $32 bigger, better version of the original dead unit. This one has a light. You can set the gauge to a specific tire pressure and it will stop automatically. It promises to inflate any tire in less than five minutes. Santa had arrived early. No note from customer service, just a packing slip which said I had paid cash for this unit. (It doesn’t take much to make me happy.)
The real drama is yet to come, as you might expect. One day in the future I will carefully unpack this box with the gleaming tire inflator inside and give it a test run on a low tire. If it starts smoking and dies after three minutes, I’m going to place it in the center of the driveway and roll one of those 17-inch Yukon tires slowly over its defective body. Then I’m going to gather up the bent and broken pieces and mail them back to the company. Without a name, note or return address. I don’t want any more surprises.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Mike Ellis of Morgantown, W.Va., served as the executive editor of the Herald-Standard from 1987 until 2003. He can be reached by email at west.tv@gmail.com.