Dec 11, 2016 6 min read

“Tis the season to be jolly. Fa la la la la. La la la la.”

It’s almost that time of year … Christmas! “I am singing. I am writing an article and I’m singing!” (If you don’t get the reference for the last lyric, watch the movie “Elf,” starring Will Ferrell. You’re welcome.)

Don’t you just love this time of year? I do. I love Christmas so much. I love celebrating and sharing the love and joy of Christmas with everyone. Most importantly, I love commemorating the birth of Jesus Christ. Each year, as we place the baby in the manger, I sit in awe that Christ’s life was freely given as a sacrifice for each of us — us, who were yet to be created. Us, who were born into sin. Us, me and you. I can’t imagine a better gift. Can you?

What kind of gifts do you like to give at Christmas? Or in general? I love giving gifts that have additional or deeper meaning. You know, like purchasing gifts from sites like The Grommet — where you can purchase items created by underrepresented entrepreneurs or innovative small businesses or folks who support social enterprise. I also like to purchase simpler things like a person’s favorite candy bar or a copy of their favorite movie that they watched growing up as a kid.

Items that bring back memories are among some of the best kinds of gifts to give. Other gifts on that list of best gifts to give include some free gifts as well. A gift like forgiveness is free to give and arguably blesses the giver way more than the receiver. Let me tell you about my experience with un-forgiveness.

Boy, I had a busy week. Multiple events, time spent working at different jobs, little sleep, my eyes twitching, my body aching — it has been a rough week. When I have a busy week like this one and if I have a chance to get some rest, I either sleep very deeply or I am restless and wake from vivid nightmares. This week, I had a nightmare about someone from my past returning to my life. I woke up remembering each part of the nightmare, wondering if I had imagined it or if in fact it was real.

The scenario played out like a Lifetime movie. The person entered the room like they had been a part of our family without interruption. Our connection was terminated a very long time ago. In this scenario, the person was speaking to me as if we were friends. They were interacting with my family as if nothing ever happened. In this nightmare, I was looking around the room, yelling at everyone, wondering why they weren’t offended by this person’s presence. Why were they back? Why were they here? I began to scream, yell and physically assault this person; but my actions produced no change. They were unaffected by my words or my physical attack. I woke up.

Why was I even thinking about this person? They were deleted from my life a long time ago. My survival method has always been to “delete” people from my life. If you cross me or my family, it is so convenient and easy to just delete you. It’s almost as if you never existed. I will walk past someone who has hurt me and act like I’ve never met them before and have no desire of meeting them now. If you hurt me or my family, you become a ghost of my memories walking in the shadows of the day. I don’t even see you. Isn’t that mean? But it is so true. Ugh.

And it’s not because I wasn’t taught or shown forgiveness. I had a great teacher in my mother. She seems to have a super power that enables her to forgive effortlessly. I doubt that it is an easy task to do, but she makes it seem easy. Although my mom has shown me the value in forgiveness and that it is better to forgive, it is obviously something that I continue to struggle with. And through that struggle, I’ve learned these three truths about un-forgiveness. 1 — the pain it causes you. 2 — the dreams it steals from you. 3 — the residue it leaves on you.

I always thought that by removing people from my life, I was removing the pain that they caused or that I allowed them to cause me. In reality, removing this person and their junk didn’t remove the scars that their behaviors caused. I needed to do more than place them and their stuff in the garbage. The memories of their toxicity haunted me. My memories returned in the form of nightmares. While I am supposed to be dreaming about my goals, my future and what God has in store for me, I am torturing myself with the pain of my past. So not only is the person and their stuff in the garbage, but my mind is there too. My mind is not the only thing consumed by this person and what pain they caused me, my daily actions had a residue on them that couldn’t easily be removed.

So this Christmas, I think I’m gonna give myself the best gift I’ve ever given anyone yet. Forgiveness. I forgive myself for holding on to the pain. I forgive myself for refusing to dig deeper and seeking God to help me to forgive. And I forgive the person who stole so much from me.

Poof. Magic. I’m fixed. It’s not that easy friends; but this is a start. Consider what un-forgiveness you are holding onto and let it go. Seek God and find out how you can live free from the pain of someone else’s behaviors, free from the pain of your own past, free and living fully alive in Jesus Christ! Live free my friends. I’m going to try to and you should too! Read Matthew 6:14-15.

Gina Jones is a former resident of Fayette County, now living in Columbus, Ohio. She serves multiple communities as an advocate, educator and leader. Follow Gina on Twitter @professorgmarie.