Nov 4, 2016 By William "ed'' Nicholson 4 min read

This was a biggie, maybe even monumental.

The recent signing into law of SB 1383 of environmental regulations for Californians by Gov. Jerry Brown is held by many liberals and various environmentalist groups to be the beginning of the eventual salvation of planet Earth.

And just what does California SB 1383 mandate? This law contains new and stringent limits on the amount of methane gas which can be emitted by California cows. It requires that California dairy and beef farmers cut these emissions to a level that is 40 percent below 2013 levels. What we are talking about here are cow belches and flatulence (a more appropriate and refined term for “farting”. So all California cows take notice…no more burping or breaking wind.

This is no joke, so don’t be snickering. This is serious stuff. Especially for the ever-watchful Democrats, progressives, “worshippers of mother Earth”, who are on guard for any sort of potential global warming. But as I have been mulling this news item, I realize that, at the very least, the rest of us may now all sleep safer at night. And just “why is that so?” It is really quite simple. Amidst all the other petty or trivial concerns of Americans such as the presidential election, terrorism, the economy, erosion of our rights, border security, taxes, illicit drugs, burgeoning crime, and so forth, we can now rest in complete confidence that the politicians are on to those nasty and gassy bovines. What a ray of hope this brings. It removes for me any doubts regarding the caliber and mental capacity of many Democrat politicians. So now this means that along with the coal industry, wood burning stoves, oil and gas transmission lines and all fossil fuel related businesses that cows are in the crosshair of our government protectors.

But being the ignorant, opinionated, and suspicious hillbilly that I am I do wonder about a few things. I have come to realize that the liberal mindset is that government has the absolute right and power to either regulate, tax, or ban virtually everything it chooses. But in California, until a month ago they had forgotten one thing — cow flatulence. We should consider what is this going to do to the already strained agricultural industry in California? The far-left Brown last year signed into law a $15 minimum wage along with the demand that California farmers, (he only state required to do so) must pay seasonal workers overtime pay after working 40 hours a week or eight hours per day.

But this is even more onerous. The cost of inventing and utilizing equipment (methane digesters) that will dissipate flatulence to the mandated level is economically unthinkable. Dairy farmers will either go out of business or be forced to pass on to consumers what amounts to another massive “food tax” on Californians. According to a statement from the Western United Dairymen after the passage of SB 1383 it was noted that “the California Air Resources Board wants to regulate cow emissions, even though it admits there is no known method for achieving the degree of reduction sought by SB 1383.” Another even more challenging question is how will this new law be enforced? Will it be necessary to add to our police departments or bureaucracy agents a new sub group of “cow fart police?”

Perhaps the greatest concern is not the present but what is in store for our future. Make no mistake. If or when liberal jurists dominate the Supreme Court of the United States, this California state ruling will likely become the law of the land. This future ruling will be of the mental, moral, and judicial substance of such other historic court decisions such as the Dred Scott decision [1857], Plessy v. Ferguson [1896], Engle v. Vitale [1962] Roe v. Wade [1973], and Obergefell v. Hughes [2015].

A final word of caution, should liberal jurists dominate future appointees to the Supreme Court of the United States what might result? Health studies indicate human methane emissions approximate 14 per person per day. With even the current U.S. population, do the math-this is a boat load of global warming. So all you bean and cabbage lovers -and especially you chili aficionados–beware. Wipe off that smile! Me thinks they will be targeting us next.

William “Ed” Nicholson is current pastor of the Grace Baptist Chapel at Little Summit in Dunbar Twp.