Manners matter more than ever
“When I was a child, I spoke as a child,” the Apostle Paul said in the thirteenth chapter of 1Corinthians. Using his own growth from childhood to adulthood as an example, he demonstrated to the church at Corinth that Christ’s church would change some of its practices as it grew from infancy toward maturity. His comment to the Corinthians came to mind last Sunday at church when someone made an insensitive, and therefore, impolite, comment to me.
Paul’s statement came to mind on that occasion because when I was a child, my mother incessantly reminded me to mind my manners. Thinking back to those childhood days, I am struck by how much our society’s manners have changed since then.
“When I was a child,” to use Paul’s lead in, America was different. Somewhere along the way, Moms stopped explaining to their teenage boys that a thoughtful gentleman always walks on the curb side when strolling down the sidewalk with his lady friend. Decorum also required that a man remove his hat in an elevator, in church, and in restaurants. We were never to suggest a kiss on a first date and no smooching was proper in public. (I was tossed out of a movie theater for putting my arm around my girlfriend). Ladies were to be escorted first through the door and a gentleman always opened the door for a lady, especially the car door. A gentleman always stood and offered his seat to a lady if there were no empty seats available.
Table manners were important. One always washed his hands before coming to the table and always dressed appropriately. If a lady was to be seated, the gentleman helped her with her chair. The boardinghouse reach was a no-no. Propriety demanded that everyone at the table waited for the host to begin eating first. Before taking for oneself, a polite person asked if anyone wanted the last helping from the serving dish. Mom constantly reminded me never to talk with my mouth full and not to put my elbows on the table. Back then we were prompted never to play with our food and not to cut up all our meat at one time. And do not eat with your fingers!
Back in the day, speech was also heavily circumscribed by propriety. If we removed all the language which then was inappropriate for “mixed company” from the average “cops and robbers” drama of today, their run time would be cut dramatically. Taking the Lord’s name in vain, as well as using indecent “four letter words” used to be considered impolite, to say nothing of immoral, especially in the presence of the fairer sex.
Things have drastically changed, even in the less obvious nuances of our manners. For instance, we children were told to respect our elders and the elderly by not rudely interrupting their conversations. Today, instead of waiting patiently for the other person to finish, we talk over their speech. Ever watch the debate panels on Fox News?
In school, our students hold conversations with each other during their teacher’s lecture. Instead of a busy signal we now have call waiting which encourages an interruption of the conversation. Even Ma Bell, if she were alive today, would realize that call waiting, the phone company’s practice of beeping into a private conversation, is the same as tugging on Daddy’s sleeve for attention when he is conversing with another adult. Billy, do not interrupt!
I have noticed another ill-mannered practice in today’s society: naming oneself first in a list of people. For instance, one hears, “Me, Jack, and Jill went up the hill.” Mom would have corrected my grammar and manners, telling me to say, “Jack, Jill, and I went up the hill,” placing myself last. “So what,” you say? This last example illustrates the point I wish to make. Good manners are little more than concern for the feelings of others. If you pick your nose at the table, you stand to make the person sitting across from you nauseous. So, if you care about his feelings pick your nose in private.
DeWitt Clinton is a resident of Dunbar.