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Offer compassion, not judgment to domestic abuse victims

3 min read

Being a victim of domestic violence is an experience to which more than 10,000,000 people yearly in the United States can attest, according to the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence (PCADV).

It’s a staggering number, with estimates that one in four women and one in seven men have experienced severe physical violence at the hands of a domestic partner.

While many victims are able to leave abusive situations, lack of finances or family support, fear, embarrassment, or any number of other reasons, leave others feeling stuck and left in danger.

All counties across Pennsylvania offer the opportunity for victims to seek protection-from-abuse (PFA) orders. The orders, which must be granted by a judge, come with protections for a victim and the threat of a contempt sentence for the defendant if it is violated.

Still, half of those who seek out an emergency PFA (the first step in getting a final protective order) in Fayette County don’t follow through with the process. That number sits at 54% in Washington County, and nearly 49% in Greene County.

Abuse victims, according to data released by the Administrative Office of Pennsylvania Courts, either don’t show up to testify at the final hearing or withdraw the petition for protection. In both cases, it renders their emergency request for protection moot and leaves them without the aid of the court to hold an abuser accountable.

Maggie Novotny, a legal advocate coordinator for Domestic Violence Services of Southwestern Pennsylvania, said fear often leads victims to do so.

For those who have never experienced domestic abuse, this must seem difficult to understand. A path toward a solution exists, why not take it?

It is, Novotny said, not that simple.

“Everyone’s journey is different,” she said. “It may take them a little longer to decide and get out of their relationship while other clients file once and that’s it.”

Instead of offering critical judgment, then, if you know someone who is a victim, lean into him or her with compassion.

“Try to help the person you care about feel empowered,” PCADV’s website advises. “Leave the decision making up to them. Help them understand that they are not responsible for, nor do they deserve the abuse.”

PCADV recommends asking victims if they are safe or need someone talk to, explaining that help is available from local domestic violence programs or offering to drive them to a shelter.

Locally, officials in Washington County have adopted a Batterers Intervention Program (BIP). The 26-week program offers treatment to change the behaviors of those accused of committing domestic violence.

Instead of focusing on anger management as a treatment, the program focuses on treating the power and control aspects inherent in most who commit domestic abuse.

The BIP also focuses on changing that mindset through accountability and the negative effects of victim-blaming.

Fayette County officials said they are willing to look at the program and consider implementing it here, a move we hope they make.

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