Commentary
Ready or not, you got some playoff football Are you ready for some (playoff) football?
The answer is apparently an emphatic yes as your Pittsburgh Steelers prepare to kick up divots with the
Cleveland Browns this afternoon.
It’s beginning to look a lot like January, as you can always tell by these signs:
– Stupid politician bet? Check. Mayor Tom Murphy, who reportedly has scant interest in spectator sports, was dressed in Steelers gear for the requisite wager with his Cleveland counterpart.
Wonder if his staff picked up the Steelers stuff at the downtown Lazarus, where there’s never a line?
– Trash talk between two teams that just don’t like each other? Check. Browns linebacker Earl Holmes called his former Steelers teammates’ cell phones and left messages.
Low brow goes high tech.
– Stories about people lined up for something? Check. KDKA-TV was overwhelmed that 3,000 people showed up for a taping of the Jerome Bettis show.
No surprise there. Admission was free and the only thing Pittsburgh likes better than a free show is a free show with fireworks. Alas, the Zambellis were still cooling down from their First Night spectacular.
– TV feature on someone who’s a fan of the other team? Check.
People always do stories on Steelers fan clubs in places like San Diego and Miami, yet seem to be shocked when other teams actually have fans who live in Pittsburgh. Provincialism is such a complicated religion.
– Witless insulting of the other city? Check. One newspaper famous for bad ideas did the typical hackneyed job on Cleveland, proving once again that similarity breeds contempt among Rust Belt dinosaurs.
– One of our talk shows hooks up with one of theirs for an hour of insults? Uh…Don’t listen, don’t know.
This is all starting a bit early this season, by virtue of the Steelers’ bizarre loss to the Houston Texans. That placed them in the wild card round and forced them to start a week early, messing up the customary bye week’s worth of non-stories.
If the Steelers win (and if they don’t, bridge jumpers could affect post-game traffic patterns), things will kick into high gear.
Then you’ll get the full measure of songs (you fear a Tommy Maddox tribute is being rehearsed in someone’s basement right now) and dumb stories.
Next week would be when the black and gold bagels and football-shaped cakes appear and some guy shaves his head, then paints it to resemble a Steelers helmet, even though they never quite get the hypercycloids (those diamond-like things) right.
TV stations will establish their traditional satellite bureaus at Feinberg’s in the Strip, to joyfully chirp, “Sally, the Steelers merchandise is flying off the shelves…”
You keep hoping one year someone will spike the newsroom coffee with truth serum so the reporter will say,
“Sally, if they could get a Steelers logo to stick to a snowball, some idiot would pay $19.95 for it…”
So enjoy the game today and be sure to observe the 12-drink minimum.
And remember – as the football gets better, the hype gets worse.
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After two trips to bankruptcy court, who knows more about possible extinction than the Pittsburgh Penguins?
They’ve lent their support to a “Penguins In the Wild” calendar that benefits the endangered species breeding program at the Pittsburgh Zoo.
It’s $10 and available by mail, at Advance Auto Parts stores or the remaining home games this month. Mario Lemieux is seen with real-life penguins, Alexei Kovalev is shown with a gorilla and, who knows, there may even be a picture of Marty Straka wrestling a wombat or something.
There are still 360 days left, so you have a chance to get your money’s worth, help a worthy cause and ease the stress of the person at the Penguins who is stuck with a storeroom full of these things. You can get more information at 412-642-1991.
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Five years from now, you can count on two things: Some team will be expecting Chad Hermansen to have that breakthrough season and Joe Paterno won’t have any timetable for retirement.
Sports correspondent John Mehno can be reached online at: johnmehno@lycos.com