Jul 18, 2005 By Commentary John Mehno 3 min read

PITTSBURGH-Mark Cuban for Pirates owner? Talk about a single acquisition that would make an immediate impact.

Cuban is the Mt. Lebanon native who owns the NBA’s Dallas Mavericks. How many other NBA owners can you name? Exactly.

Cuban’s involvement wouldn’t guarantee the Pirates success, but they wouldn’t be anonymous any more, either.

The new NHL labor agreement will be good for the Pittsburgh Penguins. How could it not be?

When we last saw the Penguins, they were the NHL’s worst team, even after fattening up against other non-playoff teams down the stretch. General Manager Craig Patrick was doing his shopping on the waiver wire, seemingly cashing “buy one, get one free” coupons on bad wingers.

While the Penguins will be able to pursue legitimate free agents, remember that every other team will, too. There are a lot of name players out there who are more name than player at this point.

One interesting dilemma for the Penguins: How much do they spend on Mario Lemieux? In his last three seasons, he’s only been available to play in 41 percent of the Penguins’ games. Lemieux turns 40 in October.

Lemieux was itchy about playing for less than his market value in 2003-04. He and the team’s board tried to work a deal that would slip him an extra $5 million for his administrative duties in the team’s ownership. The cap presumably prohibits that kind of creative bookkeeping and Lemieux’s exit strategy from ownership is in place.

What of Ed Olczyk, whose only year as a coach was spent relentlessly cracking the whip on rookies and dead-end players?

If the Penguins bring back Alexei Kovalev, can Olczyk adapt to having mercurial veterans who don’t like to adhere to strict systems?

A cap makes things better, but it doesn’t guarantee success. The NFL has a cap and the Arizona Cardinals are always lousy. The Steelers still lose players they’d like to keep.

But if this means everyone can stop pretending Rico Fata is the next big thing, it’s good.

Listen, if you’re going to head to the bars working the “I’m a Steeler” scam on the ladies, don’t claim you’re Ben Roethlisberger.

While the name might have been magic last year, Big Ben has a big public profile that has him on TV every 10 seconds or so. Too easy to get found out. Savvy Steelers impersonators mine the depth chart.

Roethlisberger’s alleged impersonator was also claiming to be Brian St. Pierre.

It says something about Pittsburgh’s football mania that being the fourth-string quarterback carries some cache.

The guy who was working the scam is in trouble now. Maybe he can treat fellow inmates to autographs. They just have to specify if they want him to sign Ben or Brian.

Hey, Jason Bay … the next time you get drafted for a home run contest, pack a corked bat.

John Mehno can be reached at johnmehno@lycos.com