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Chase for the Cup (World Cup, that is)

By Jim Downey jdowney@heraldstandard.Com 3 min read
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I’ll admit it. Yes, I’m not a big football fan.

Forgive me for I’ve blasphemed. Please don’t rally up and kick me out of western Pennsylvania! I have family and friends here (and yes, most know about the football thing).

Now, don’t get me wrong. I AM A BIG PITTSBURGH STEELERS FAN! (And, not just because I’ve been the head statistician for three decades.) I’m just not into watching the Raiders-Browns extravaganza on Thursday night. I enjoy watching the occasional local college game, although I’m not much for the multitude of holiday bowl games.

I’m less of a futbol fan. You know, the football that’s passed with the feet and not hands.

But, I do enjoy the pageantry and patriotism of the World Cup, so I’ll run into a match or two on TV, especially when the good guys in Red, White & Blue play (the most common flag colors by the way, so I’m covered).

Soccer’s been the up-and-coming sport in the United States for, like 40 years now, but our boys can’t seem to put that 32-panel ball in that really big net, for some reason.

I’m going to boldly pick the USA will somehow find a way out of the “Grupo da Morte” (Group of Death in Portuguese). I’m not going as far as to predict which team they’ll beat (reference to my Super Bowl/March Madness selections of the past), but their last loss will be in the Round of 16.

Here’s my take on what’s holding the USA back on the world soccer scene every four years:

— No cool one-word names. Basketball’s got LeBron and Michael. The Steelers had Rocky, Franco, “Mad Dog” Dwight White, and, of course, “Mean Joe.” Baseball gave us Roberto and “Joltin’ Joe.” What does American soccer have to offer? Jozy, Jermaine, Michael or Clint aren’t nearly as cool as Brazil’s Marcelo or Pele.

— Taking a dive has basically been banished in the NHL, NFL and NBA, so when American players get clipped on the heel or get a shove in the back they don’t fall to the turf as though they were an extra in a Clint Eastwood, big budget western. FIFA should handle the “drama” like basketball or football — no injury time, take them off the “pitch” and the “injured” player has to sit out a play since there are no timeouts. That’ll end the drama.

— I’d say let Americans carry the ball, but we’re not so hot in rugby, either, so scratch that.

— Soccer bars (taverns) are more like outposts than establishments.

— Plus, the trophy? Give it away once every four years and that’s all? The Pirates’ World Series trophies are far cooler than the world resting on an angel (?).

— My prediction? I predict the finals will not have a team from South America. I know. Bold.

If you’re a fan, enjoy yourself. Who knows, maybe I’ll get caught up in World Cup fever!

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