'Walk through hell': Softball standout shares mental health journey

It was prompted by a separation from softball after her first semester of her junior year in college.

The multiple time all-state performer from Frazier High School just could not take the game anymore. She took a redshirt at Seton Hill University.

To her, there was no other choice.

After spring break of 2022, she hit a low.

“I thought, at the time, I would be able to come back and recover perfectly fine,” she said. “I took the redshirt in the fall and a lot happened after the fact you don’t think of at the time.

“Going through what I went through, a constant battle with myself, softball, school and my friendships – I just felt I had to let one go,” Hartman, now 21, said. “The one holding me back and causing the struggle of my life was softball.”

What gave Hartman so much joy and satisfaction for so long nearly led to her mental undoing.

“I felt like I gave (softball) enough time and I wanted to save myself at that point,” said Hartman, who pitched Frazier to the PIAA championship in 2019. “I just walked away.”

She spent this spring semester at Cleveland State University, focused completely on her studies, herself and mental health recovery.

“I think it was one of the best decisions I ever made,” Hartman said. “After stepping away from softball, it was hard for me to be at Seton Hill because I felt out of place. It was tough to watch my friends live their daily lives like how I used to do so.”

She contemplated the worst.

“It was a hard time,” Hartman said. “The change, moving away and starting something completely new was challenging. I was trying to find myself as a person and living life without being a softball player, just being a student. I second-guessed a lot, questioned a lot of things. I did that daily. Cleveland State changed me. It took some time and a lot of work to figure out what I wanted to be and what I wanted to do.”

Hartman is re-enrolling at Seton Hill and plans to be a member of the softball team this fall.

She will not forget what it took to get to this point. And a difficult conversation and admission was a turning point.

She had to tell her mom and dad – Mandy and Don Hartman – both high-profile and successful high school coaches. Mandy coaches volleyball at Frazier. Don formerly coached baseball at California and now softball at Frazier.

“For a while, I kept it inside until I reached the point I didn’t know if I could get out of what I was in mentally. I thought I was at the end of the road. I just had no hope,” Logan Hartman said.

“My parents took me to dinner and I broke down and told them everything. That was a hard conversation. But from then on, I took my redshirt and reached out to all the resources I could to get all the help I could. I took the redshirt to heal. My parents helped me through and then I got to help people to get through similar situations.”

If the return to softball doesn’t go her way, Hartman said she is strong enough to cope now.

“It took a while and it is not something that happened overnight,” she said. “Here I am a year later and now just seeing the end of the road of that part of my life. I can reflect clearly and communicate those feelings to others.”

She said being able to rebuild relationships she gave up on has been a blessing.

“I don’t see myself as the person I was before,” Hartman added. “I am different. I dug down deep. Mental health is so confusing at times. I feel passionate people can overcome their own barriers. I decided I didn’t need to fold on myself. I have the support and I know people are out there. I’m strong. I can reach out and I am not alone. I can do it again.”