Study heaps more guilt on parents
Given a choice, I’d prefer to be a slug or even a lion. Dr. William Sheperd’s insight into the big cat’s behavior – “They mostly sleep, get up, eat, have sex and go back to bed.” – sounds like an ideal way to live. So much for dreaming. Instead, I must work. I must raise a couple of kids. And, I have to endure guilt that creeps into both ventures after reading that yet another study, survey or some such has found that parents don’t spend enough “quality” or “meaningful” time with their kids.
This latest masterpiece, undertaken by the Boys and Girls Clubs of America and KidsPeace, was released to coincide with the advent of KidsDay on Sunday. Yes, I was operating under the erroneous assumption that every day is kids’ day. Once again I’m wrong.
This particular study analyzed responses from 1,000 parents of kids under 18 to determine if parents think they spend enough time talking to their kids about meaningful things such as how to thwart a kidnapper, how best to respond to fire, terrorism or mayhem and whether they eat enough home-cooked meals together each week. (You could pick from as little as none to more than 16, which might explain why we are a nation of fat people.) Other questions centered on school involvement and engaging in physical activity.
All these questions are supposed to prompt parents to take stock, think about how much time and energy is focused on the kids and determine how they stack up compared with other parents. (An interesting tidbit: individuals tend to rate their own parenting skills high while grading others poorly.)
I suppose I need only look as far back as last week to see that I don’t stack up so well. We took off for the beach. To prepare I brought along three books and a beach towel and intended to engage in slug-like behavior. The little ones had far different aspirations. Unlike the 54 percent of survey respondents who say they have little time or wish for more time to engage in physical activities with their children, I would rather not.
Sure, I try. I was still hobbling along on a leg bruised by the youngest one’s attempt to learn how to use a ball bat, when they decided we would walk the length of the boardwalk to the amusement rides. I view my role as a parent to bring along cash and stand at the entrance of rides to wave as they fly by. But the recently-turned 5-year-old had a better idea and coaxed me into riding just one ride with her.
It looked tame. The ride consisted of brightly colored big bears that everyone could pile inside. As the ride moved in a big circle, the riders could also spin a wheel inside to make the bear turn. Partway through the ride, I said, “You girls don’t know much about spinning,” and proceeded to show them just how fast that bear could turn. The ride jerked to a halt, but the world sure didn’t.
That’s enough physical activity for me. We rode the train back.
Then there’s the subject of eating. The ideal family eats tasty, nutritious meals each day with each family member sitting down at the table at the same time. That might at some future date work in our family, if only the kids would stop gobbling down the take-out food in the car before it has a chance to see a table. We have half the equation right. At least we’re together in the car. And, if kids would just eat something other than grilled cheese, French fries, hot dogs and pizza, perhaps I’d feel like cooking again. But what’s the sense when the food is just going back in the refrigerator to shrivel under plastic wrap to be tossed once it ripens into a hardened, fuzzy blob?
Don’t get me wrong. I do acquiesce to the guilt and cook a few dinners a week. The rule in our house is simple: If you don’t like what’s on the table, you eat cereal. We polish off several boxes a week.
And then there’s the topic of talking. I would certainly not wish for more time to talk with my kids. They never cease. They chatter incessantly, on top of each other. The worse was when Nos. 3 and 4 were going on about something, No. 2 called on the regular phone and No. 1 rang in on the cell phone. Enough talking already.
And so I listen and respond because I know that soon they’ll fall asleep and then I can spend a few hours each day in silence and stillness. If the surveyors had asked me, I would have told them there just aren’t enough hours in the day to be a slug.
Luanne Traud is the editorial page editor. E-mail: ltraud@heraldstandard.com.