Ask the Coach
Invading privacy Hey, Coach! My 14- and 16-year-old children tell my husband and me that we invade their privacy too much. We tell them that if they tell us everything that we need to know, we won’t have to pry. There are so many bad things out there just waiting to happen, and we want to do our part and be protective and loving parents. Sex and drugs have been discussed at length, but we still have to hope and pray that our children make the right decisions.
Coach, how do we make our children understand that being very protective is sometimes a form of necessary tough love?
Signed…Just Mom
Dear Just Mom: While most may not look at it this way, parenting can be one heck of a “job,” and perhaps the most important responsibility any of us could ever have. With that said, sometimes parents have to get in their kids’ space in order to get the job done. You mention that you have discussed sex and drugs with your children. There’s also alcohol, fighting, theft, tobacco and the Internet that can bring about negative consequences, just to mention a few other things. Even though we all know about the dangers of the Internet, kids still get duped into doing things that they know are wrong and can get them into trouble.
While parents may not need to know “everything,” as you suggest, parents do need to know about things that could have potentially dangerous or negative consequences. While you may not be able to help your kids understand no matter how much you sit down and exchange effective communications, simply tell your children that the hardest thing you would ever have to do is bury one of them at a young age. Hopefully that hits home. Losing a child has to be an extremely devastating experience, which could last for a lifetime. Parents would probably blame themselves for not doing enough to protect their child. If you have ever watched Hulk Hogan’s (professional wrestler) reality TV show, unless Hulk is totally playing to the camera, you would witness an extremely overprotective parent to the hilt when it comes to his teenage daughter. He’s not nearly as bad with his teenage son. After watching a couple of these shows, your children would probably say that you two are soft compared to Hogan. Hulk knows (like we all do) the dangers/dilemmas that confront all teens, especially girls. The Coach strongly suggests that if parents want to involve a strong influence in the lives of their children, then they would be the greatest role models we have. Parents need to lead by example and set the pace. The Coach also believes that cell phones are a great investment in our youth if used properly. Parents can sit down and communicate that it’s not about invading anyone’s space; it’s about loving their children enough to help further ensure their safety and well-being. Parents should communicate guidelines and expectations of their children, plus offer them an opportunity to contribute to that conversation. If your children don’t understand tough love now, they probably will when they become parents themselves in due time. Then they will have an appreciation for all that you did for them. The best decisions we can make are educated ones, and we all know, “It’s better to be safe than sorry.”
Coach’s Comment: To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream.
Remember, dreams are free.
—
You can contact the Coach via email at askthecoach2003@yahoo.com.