Ask the Coach
Respect for others Hey, Coach! My daughter “Sue” is very pretty and also is very bright. I know that sounds conceited, but she is. We love her very much and want the best for her, as all parents would.
Our concern is Sue’s boyfriend. “Jim” is 19 and two years older than Sue, and he is not very nice to her, at times. She is not allowed to talk to other boys, and Jim makes an issue when she sometimes talks with her best girlfriends.
Jim says that this is taking time away from when they could be talking. While Jim has never been abusive in our presence, Sue tells us a very different story. He doesn’t hit her, but he can be very mean. Yes, we have talked with our daughter and with Jim, both individually and as a couple. We are trying to help Sue understand that quality relationships just don’t work this way, and that she deserves so much better.
We have looked Jim square in the face and told him that we feel he should move on — but this has to be Sue’s choice.
We have also talked with Sue about seeing someone to talk about her relationship, but she does not want to.
We’re hoping that if she hears it from enough people that maybe things will connect for her.
Thank you for your time.
Signed….Loving Mother
Dear Loving Mother: This appears to be typical of some guys (and girls), where controlling their partner is their top priority. As you have pointed out, Sue and Jim’s relationship is not a good one.
“Seeing someone” sounds like a great idea, and there’s absolutely no shame in doing that, in case that’s what Sue believes. Talking with a “professional” could help one — or both — to better understand how life works and how relationships are only working well if both parties are happy with a number of things.
Controlling one’s mate can and typically does lead to very destructive behavior, with grave consequences.
While there may not be any physical abuse now, things can have a way of escalating over time. Some women (and men) will offer that verbal abuse is every bit as painful as physical abuse. At 19, it sounds like this young man needs to grow up. At Sue’s age (17), most teens age are not ready to be in any type of serious relationship and could be better served by dating in small groups.
According to you, Sue has a lot going for her, and the Coach would suggest that she would probably attract a lot of “positive” attention if she made herself available.
Dating partners should have mutual respect for one another, and one of the most important parts of dating at this (any) age is having fun.
If just one of these two important aspects (respect and having fun) is missing, then it’s time to move on after a certain amount of time. We encourage Sue to make an educated decision. Indeed, she does deserve far better.
Biggest Winner update
Phil Michael, the Biggest Winner, continues to have success with his battle with the bulge. His pants are very loose around the waist, and many have taken notice. Phil lost 2 and 1 pounds the last two weeks, respectively, to take him from 386 down to 334 pounds. Although Phil may be upset that those are his two “worst” weeks since starting Jan. 1, the Biggest Winner is still moving in a positive direction.
We have recently talked about starting a strength training program to supplement his cardio and healthier eating habits, so hopefully Phil will take another step toward engaging in a total fitness/wellness program.
Also, Phil has set a goal of running the local Thanksgiving Turkey Trot 5K without stopping.
So, if you see the Biggest Winner, be sure to encourage him to keep on pushing.
Coach’s Comments: Anyone can be friendly and nice when everything is going their way. But when the chips are down and things don’t go our way, how we act and react really defines who we are.
Thanks for making the Coach a part of your day, and have a safe weekend.
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You can contact the Coach at askthecoach@yahoo.com.