Apr 29, 2011 5 min read

Scripture reading: Ephesians 5:22-33 and 6:1-4. Text: “While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. Someone told him, ‘Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.’ He replied to him, ‘Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?’ Pointing to his disciples, he said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.'” Matthew 12:46-50.

In our Scripture reading, we learn about a peaceful and harmonious family life. Additionally, our text tells us how Jesus extended the scope of the family circle. We should take both seriously. Following is a valid question even in this liberal world: Is family life entirely private or it is an important issue for society as well? Please forgive me if I dare to bring up such a sensitive and personal subject, however, if the church is afraid to mention it, who else will? As it was said before, the doctors always touch us where it hurts. How can healing take place if we ignore the sore spots? By ignoring vital problems we do not solve but rather increase them.

I WISH TO CALL YOUR ATTENTION TO THREE FAMILY RELATED QUESTIONS AND BE REASSURED THAT I HAVE NO ONE IN MIND SPECIFICALLY. YOU HAVE THE PRIVILEGE TO DISAGREE WITH ME.

The first seems to be the most innocent one: Should a couple live together before marriage? According to the old tradition, strict rules and church ethics, the answer is negative. We know that there are arguments for it but we do not wish to discuss them here. It is true that in many cases it worked and has created no difficulties. If serious misunderstanding develops and the relationship is discontinued, one of the parties can easily end up with an aching and broken heart with serious consequences for many years. If a child is, or children are, involved, it is even worse. From a legal viewpoint, the situation can become a nightmare.

Although living together is favored among young people, it does not help to bring down the high divorce rate. I do not know the exact percentage but the divorce rate is close to 50 percent. You still can maintain your opinion that divorce is strictly a private issue, however, in the long run, society could suffer from it. Even if the separation took place in a fairly decent way, the children will feel it, and if there were abusive physical scenes, the little ones can be psychologically affected.

How the next generation will grow up is not immaterial for society. Financially, divorce can be a disaster also. The same people must live now in two homes and the expenses will double.

Will the second marriage have a better chance? You be the judge. Will the spouses honestly trust each other after a sad experience of infidelity? You also heard the proverbial statement: YOUR child and MY child mistreated OUR child. How can the children love both parents when the parents do not like each other? On whose side will the children eventually be? Whom should the kids believe, the mother or the father?

The third question is the most difficult and controversial one. Should the government or the administration recommend the size of a family? Since we do not know the future, it is very hard to predict what will happen years or decades from now but history offers us some guidelines. The population is growing in numbers and all the forests cannot be used for farm land. Ecology becomes more and more important. Due to the rising costs of food, more people will be unable to properly feed their big families. Statistics prove that those people who have more children can least afford them. Where there are many hungry and exploited people, the situation is ripe for uprising and revolution. Should civil war decimate the population and serve as a family planning? What is going on in our times in other countries? Is domestic unrest in a country preventable? Are not we, the crown of creation, blessed with logic and knowledge? We cannot tell who will decide what the right size of a family should be in a given case, nor can we suggest what the best way to achieve it is, but we definitely know overpopulation spells trouble, suffering and terrible bloodshed.

If you think that the church meddles in family life, which is not its territory, then I am humbly asking you, how do you interpret and take seriously Apostle Paul’s admonition: “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Timothy 5:8. (We know there are people who wish to help but cannot and there are those who are able to help but neglect to do so.)

The Rev. Alexander Jalso is a retired United Presbyterian minister living in Brownsville.