Ask the Coach 9-9-12
Age difference
Hey, Coach! My son is 15, and he would like to date a 13 year old girl. My son knows that we think this is too much of an age difference at this point, but she is making it very difficult for him to say no. She is very pretty and sweet, and we like her, but she is also well-developed and somewhat aggressive. My son can be rough around the edges, but he is basically a good kid. With that said, to me, a 10th grade boy should not be dating an 8th grade girl. If they were in 12th and 10th grade, I probably would be okay with that because those two years of maturing would be beneficial for both of them. We have talked to our son about this, and he says they are good friends, and he knows that they should not be doing certain things at these ages. According to my son, the parents of the girl are okay with them seeing each other, so I’m probably seen as the bad guy in this. Are we wrong for not supporting this? Signed….Moral Mom
Dear Moral Mom: Hopefully all would agree with your thoughts, and the Coach admires your stance. Except in a few instances, even a 12th grader and a 10th grader could be considered a mismatch. If the girls’ parents have given their blessing, you’ve really got your work cut out for you. Not that your son is being untruthful, but a good suggestion might be to call her parents just to find out and have an open discussion about things. If her parents are against this, then that would hopefully make things easier on your end. If they find nothing inappropriate, then you face a difficult challenge. Plus; there’s always a chance that the girls’ parents don’t even know, and the Coach feels you are well within your right to call and discuss this matter. Yes; this may upset your son because he may be telling the truth, but as a parent, it is your duty to try to investigate (and sometimes intervene) when necessary, and this situation certainly qualifies in the Coach’s opinion. Perhaps this is a good opportunity to sit down with your son and have a mature conversation about life. Among many other things, even though nothing may be happening (yet), it is suggested that abstinence be discussed, along with safe sex practices when he is mature enough and things end up going that direction. And just so there is no misinterpretation here, the Coach is not at all suggesting that any 14, 16, or even 18 year old is even remotely mature enough to have sex, and the Coach could have taken that number a lot higher in many instances. The Coach will close with one of his favorite sayings…for our youth to wait until they become adults before doing adult things, and sexual activity is definitely an adult thing. The Coach is not suggesting that has happened here, but it’s better to get this topic out in the open sooner than later. Of course, sex can be very healthy within a monogamous adult relationship, with marriage being the ultimate situation. Good luck!
Coach’s Comment: Please understand that we cannot control what others do and say. However, we can control how we respond. Be safe, and thanks for making the Coach a part of your Steeler evening!
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