Finding support for career decisions
Q.My grandpa stepped on my dream last night. He lives with us and what he says goes.
I want to act. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t want to be in theater. I’ve been in every school play, and I dream of acting for my life’s work.
My family gathered together to watch the Oscars like we always do. For no apparent reason, my grandpa growled, “Look at these people. Such a waste of time. Why do we even watch this stupid stuff? All these rich actors. What do they know about living a good life/No morals or goals.” After a few minutes, he left the room. No one said a word. My parents know I love acting. They know I audition every chance I get. My older brother knows too. No one spoke up and defended my dream. I’m not really surprised by my grandpa’s attitude. He’s never attended even one of my plays. He usually just ignores me. What bothered me the most was my family’s silence. I thought at least one of them would speak up. One more year and I’m leaving and never coming back. – 17-year-old
Mary Jo’s Response: Your grandpa’s words and your family’s silence were hurtful. Words matter. It sounds as if your grandfather is angry about something that has nothing to do with you, and your dream is caught up in his negative opinion about acting.
You seem determined to pursue your dream and speak of leaving your family when you’re 18. I’d like to talk about your feelings.
First, I value your dream. You have one life to live, and your path is your own. You’ve made wise choices for a person who loves acting. You are active in your school’s theater department, and you have the courage to audition. You are at the start of your adult choices; if you want to follow a career in theater, there are many ways for you to do so. Majoring or minoring in theater in college is a good next step. Have you taken college prep courses? Are you looking at schools? You can certainly purse a career in theater without a college degree – many have successfully done so – but attending a college with a good theater department is one way to move forward to your dream.
Your family’s silence may be complicated. Your grandpa is an elder in your home, and it may be difficult to challenge him. As you say, their silence hurt more than your grandpa’s words. I suggest talking with your parents. Share your disappointment. Let them know how you feel. Leaving home is part of adulting but doing so in anger or bitterness isn’t wise. Your family is an important part of who you are. You could speak privately with your brother as well. Do so with respect and avoid anger. Simply share how you felt last night. Tell them your dream.
Let’s talk about choices. Children are often given messages about how they should live their lives as they grow – some messages are subtle and some blatant. Many young people select paths their families do not support. It is far easier to have a home base to return to as you reach for adulthood. If you notice the Academy Award acceptance speeches, many winners thank their parents and families. Turning 18 may make you a legal adult but you still need your family’s support. I encourage you to be honest with them and try to remain connected. May all go well.
Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.