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Uniontown families enjoyed food, music and fun Saturday afternnon at the Uniontown Community Day at 9 South Grant St. The event was sponsored by Veterans of Foreign Wars Post 3514 and Lantz Funeral Home, and hosted by Mount Rose Baptist Church and the Fayette County NAACP. Local businesses donated food and drinks, and the Uniontown City Police attended to support the community.

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Communities across the country and in local areas are gearing up for their annual and even first-time National Night Out events.

As a theoretical person, I’m always looking to better myself physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially and eventually. 

So, when I was browsing the internet to find a recipe for high fructose corn syrup like my grandma used to make, I was drawn to an article titled “21 Life Hacks From Warren Buffett”.

For those who don’t know anything about Warren Buffett, he’s an investor and businessman worth approximately $101.6 billion, according to “Forbes”, the authority in finding out how much people are worth. Also, when you have $101 billion, is it really necessary to put the “.6”?

When I look at my bank account, I don’t tell people I have $8.11; I just tell them I have eight bucks, and then whoever is soliciting a donation from me normally leaves me alone and sometimes even hands me a few bucks.

Going into the article, I was expecting Buffett to give stock advice to the tune of something like, “Therefore, I recommend investing regularly at fixed intervals of funds that track a broad-based index. Any questions?”

“Yes, Mr. Buffett, are you related to Jimmy Buffet?”

However, the advice was certainly more in line with a guy like me who has fallen asleep watching “Wall Street”, but the advice still really didn’t apply to me. 

While there’s not enough space to go over all 21 life hacks, I’ll hit the highlights with the first piece of advice, and that was to decide you’re going to be rich. 

Okay...I’ve decided--wait! Oh, alright. I got it. I thought I lost the thought there.

Two pieces of advice that didn’t stick for me was to start saving at a young age and graduate college early.

Well, I’m 43 years old with eight bucks in the bank--I mean, 8.11 dollars in the bank. I’d say the yacht has sailed on those two, Warren.

Speaking of money, another piece of advice was to reinvest your profits. 

What...are these…”profits” of which you speak? Is that, like, the money that appears in my checking account before life and bills leave me with eight dollars?

One nugget of advice was to live frugally, which is good advice for a lot of people, but then why would I want to be rich if I would want to live the way I’m living right now? 

That’s like deciding to diet and exercise to finally be attractive to the opposite sex, but then you have to be celebate. 

At that point, I started getting angry and then just skimmed through the article and when I started finding advice like being true to yourself, investing in yourself, being honest and giving back, I started to wonder if the guy is just some crazy old hippie that won on a bunch of scratch-off tickets. 

Of course, Warren Buffet is just one guy and there are plenty of billionaires out there--people we’ve never even heard of, so I thought it would be best to contact one of these people to have a real one-on-one conversation. 

However, Jeff Bezos and Richard Branson weren’t available because their reps said the men were “flying in a rocket ship above the Earth”--yeah, likely story--and Bill Gates hacked into my  browser search history and declined an interview and any further contact.

But like the great Buffett famously said, “Waisting away again in Margaritaville…”, which, to me, translates to check social media for the answer, and I did with someone of Facebook claiming to be the “Billionaire Babe Magnet”. Seemed legit, so I set up an interview. 

ME: Mr. Babe Magnet, how do I become a billionaire? 

BBM: First, you need to invest a few million dollars…

ME: Scratch that, how do I become a millionaire? 

BBM: First, you need to invest a few hundred thousand dollars…

ME: Let’s reset by saying I have 8.11 dollars in the bank.

BBM: Better invest in scratch-off tickets. 

Yep. Just what I had thought.

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