Oct 11, 2025 3 min read

The fights next door are loud.

Sometimes they happen often; other times there are weeks or months between them. No matter the frequency, the pattern remains the same: An argument. A scream. A thump. Tears.

The neighbors hear it all, but don’t help. Instead, they raise their eyebrows, shake their heads in judgment, and wonder, Why doesn’t she just leave?

While that question might seem logical, in the context of a domestic violence situation it’s misplaced, unfair and heaps undeserved shame on an already victimized person.

It’s time to stop asking that question, and start answering the call to help the women and men who are in abusive relationships.

This month, Domestic Violence Services of Southwestern Pennsylvania (DVSSP) is joining with other agencies across the U.S. to increase awareness and educate the public about the complex nature of domestic abuse. They will also celebrate those who have survived, and remind those in the throes of abuse that there is help available.

At some point, there’s a good chance we will all know someone who has, is or will experience some form of abuse at the hands of an intimate partner. About 1 in 3 women, 1 in 4 men and nearly half of LGBTQ+ individuals will be victimized at some point, according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH).

Through its #31DaysofAction campaign on social media, DVSSP explains the signs of abuse, which does not always come in the form of bruises or broken bones. Emotional and financial control are among the many other ways abusers control their victims.

And as there are many different forms of abuse, so are there many different reasons victims stay, said Jackie Parker, DVSSP communications specialist.

Fear of death or more abuse – concerns that are not unwarranted – are among the top reasons. As statistics provided by the NDVH note, about 75% of domestic violence-related killings occur when a victim leaves.

A video posted Thursday on the DVSSP Facebook page explains some of the other factors that keep victims trapped in a cycle of abuse. It’s 76 seconds long and something everyone (especially those who still question why victims stay) should watch.

As we move through October – Domestic Violence Awareness Month – please take time to learn more about the facts and myths associated with abuse.

And, if you chose to do nothing beyond reading this editorial, please have less judgment toward and more empathy for those suffering in abusive relationships.

As Parker put it: “Offer compassion instead of criticism. Break the silence. End the stigma.”