It’s all Greek to me
I don’t want to knock any successful Pittsburgh businesses, but Duolingo is stressing me out.
That little green owl is on my back about not conjugating my verbs.
Every morning there’s a red dot on my Duolingo app. I react to the bright-scarlet circle like it’s a red alert on a submarine. I’m just not ready to dive, dive, dive back into my language learning. The app is not sparking joy. It’s causing consternation and anguish, and I feel like a slacker.
I know only one language: English, and many readers believe I haven’t quite mastered it yet.
Years ago, I took French. Sadly, I remember only one sentence from years of French: “Où est le bureau de tabac,” which translates to “Where is the tobacco shop?”
I don’t smoke.
Side note: In my life, I’ve smoked only two cigarettes. One of them doesn’t even count, because I smoked it in Las Vegas, and we all know, “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” I smoked the other one in high school to look cool. I assure you, I did not look cool. I looked like a dweeb on a coughing jag.
I’ve hit a couple of pipes in college, and I smoked a cigar after my Uncle Frank’s funeral on Troy Hill in a homage. After six puffs, I threw up. Smoking isn’t my bag.
But I digress, like I do. I have always been fascinated with languages.
I can say “hello” and “goodbye” in a few different languages, including Japanese, but I have never mastered another language.
I downloaded Duolingo hoping to learn Greek.
Of course, I had to pick a language with its own alphabet.
I had a reason to learn Greek. It’s not because it’s the second language of Canonsburg. Though I could order spanakopita at the All Saints Greek Orthodox food festival with a please and a thank you.
The real reason is that I want to go back to the Aegean islands again.
You’d think after seeing “The Odyssey,” I’d be dissuaded from going back to the Greek islands, but I’ve been told that there are more sandy beaches and fewer man-eating Cyclopes these days.
I started studying Greek. I have not learned anything useful. I can say, “little black doggy,” or “mikro mavro skylaki.” Trust me, it doesn’t come up in sentences very often.
I have not learned “How do I get to the airport,” “How much for this” or even “My name is Michael.”
Instead, I’m learning about fruits and vegetables. I’m over here comparing mila to portokalia (apples to oranges), and I haven’t learned the essentials.
Nothing important is sticking in my brain, but if I see a Scottish Terrier on Santorini, I can react appropriately.
I want to travel the world, the nice parts anyway. I am especially interested in places with good food and great beaches. I just need to go back to Tarpon Springs, Florida.
It has Greek restaurants, nice beaches, and I can speak English there.