Respect applies to social media, too
Q. My grandpa told me some people were commenting mean things on your Facebook page. I’m not on Facebook but grandpa showed me, when I fussed until he did. I don’t like it if people disrespect you. I know that if they knew you, they’d know that you respect people especially people like me. I don’t understand. Why are adults so nasty? – 13-year-old
Mary Jo’s Response: I appreciate your text. I treasure your kind words and your confidence in my ability to respect young people. When you texted me after your grandpa shared something upsetting, you were mature. You reached out to the person who could help make sense of what troubled you. Good for you.
Not all adults are nasty, my friend. Most are respectful and kind. Please do not judge the behavior of the whole by the behavior of the few. Trusted adults help young people mature and thrive. It sounds as if your grandpa is a trusted adult. Think about all the trusted adults in your life – parents, teachers, coaches, youth group leaders, scout masters … and I’m here for you. Count on us.
Let’s talk about what happened on Facebook. I shared a few posts last week that were more political than my normal posts, and then I deleted them after your text – please let me explain. As an RN and educator, I post about topics that affect public health and the well-being of teens like you. I try to stay away from blatantly political posts. I also do not tell teens how to vote, nor do I tell them for whom I voted. I do tell them TO register and vote, but I am not partisan or directive. The posts your grandpa shared with you were from my friends’ pages. I debated sharing them, since they referred directly to candidates. I decided to share because I am deeply troubled by the racism flooding Facebook following the midterms.
I reasoned teens on social media need to see me stand for human decency – they may know this, since it is part of every interaction I have with them, but the racist posts were so prevalent I felt I needed to share posts to counteract them. The posts I shared attracted some unpleasant comments. I responded with respect. I teach conflict resolution; I do not teach avoiding conflict. I believe there are ways to respond respectfully without compromising one’s core values. One commenter deleted a nasty comment, but another persisted and became even more racist. I went back to Facebook and deleted the posts after your text, then I wrote another post explaining why I deleted them. I did not use your name, of course, but I did share how much your concern for me touched and influenced me.
Words are powerful, my friend, and yours inspired me.
I post to teach; I state unequivocally that I stand for human decency. I believe a baseline of respect should permeate all interactions, including political ones. I post to model the truth that standing by when people are disrespectful without speaking up isn’t OK. Passive bystanders empower bullies. I will not model being a passive bystander. I know young people are watching me.
I want you to know that I respect your reaction and support you. Human decency is more important than politics; you are a person of great worth. Keep caring about others. Thank you.
Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.