Anyone who reads this column on a regular basis knows that I love writing about holidays...and aliens...and toilets...and robots...and my tendency to lose focus on whatever I’m writing about...and...where was I going with this?
I don’t care how smart you are, the task of ordering your child’s class photos can push any IQ to the breaking point, and this week's column will show you why.
If you haven't noticed, potato chips, cookies and even alcoholic drinks have embraced releasing new and different flavors like cheesesteak potato chips, chocolate mint sundae cookies and bacon-flavored vodka. In this week's column, I'll tell you why and what to expect next.
If you've ever played the game "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon", then you've maybe already played my new game, "Six Degrees of Coronavirus". The rules will be in this week's column.
In my constant observation of childhood rituals through the eyes of a jaded adult, I have to say that people have really missed the point of trick-or-treat. And in this week's column, we'll explore the phenomenon.
I know when an important election is coming up when I see PSA commercials that I need to rock the vote, that I need to vote or die and now I can't vote naked...I think. Maybe I have to pay more attention.
While I was doing the “Locally Yours” radio show a few weeks back on WMBS, my co-host, Bill Madden, suggested there should be a cookbook for bachelors...okay.
Welcome to the first, and most likely last installment of According to Hofmann’s World of English (AHTWOE). This week’s subject is Acronyms.
I remember as a child being in my grandfather's basement, perplexed when seeing all the mason jars full of canned food, but found out he did so because of the Great Depression. Now, as we get through our depression of a pandemic, I can't wait to see what cultural practices carry over to my future grandchildren.
As if I’m not jealous enough of children now-a-days, even in the dumpster-fire year of 2020 has caused me to have great envy at my 10-year-old stepdaughter, Emma, when she went “back to school”.
An aspect of a summer vacation with your family is the chance that your children may end up with a vacation friend, which is another kid that gloms onto your kid for better or for worse or, in my case, a little of both.
One of the many downsides to any vacation is packing the family car for a torturous road trip. But no worries, I'm here to give you the finer points and tips on packing for a trip...even though it's the end of summer.
Has there ever been an established protocol of thanking someone for holding a door open when going through two sets of doors? In this week's column, the answer is yes. You'll just regret asking the question.
Maybe it’s the pandemic, but lately, I’ve really taken notice how people sneeze...so much, in fact, I wrote a column about it.
I didn’t want to write yet another column about my ongoing belief that computers are out to take us over like I learned from movies like “The Terminator”, “The Matrix” and “Throw Momma From the Train”, but please keep in mind that the machines forcing my hand (well, both hands since I type) and made me write about just that.
In this week's column, I look at my psychological urge to overeat. So grease your thighs, wedge into the passenger seat and let's take a ride to Absurdityville.
This week's column is an exploration into the why houses and buildings used in exteriors of movies and television shows are so popular. Yes, I am totally running out of ideas.
It’s amazing how we as human beings really go above and beyond to find substitutes for certain entertainment and activities during a pandemic, and Japanese baseball has thrown their hat in the ring with robotic fans.
Over the last week, I’ve learned the art of shameless self promotion as I released my second book, “Good Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One...and Dying, Too”, available exclusively on Amazon.com. I also didn’t have time to write a column for this week because I’ve been busy learning the art of shameless self promotion for my second book, “Good Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One...and Dying, Too”, available exclusively on Amazon.com. So, I found no better way to mask laziness with shameless self promotion than making this week’s column a chapter from “Good Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One...and Dying, Too”, available exclusively on Amazon.com. Portions of the chapter from “Good Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One...and Dying, Too”, available exclusively on Amazon.com have been changed for context.
The constant battles I’ve been fighting to prevent my 10-year-old stepdaughter from growing up too fast has taken on another adversary, makeup.
Social distancing is becoming more difficult as everyone is rushing to the color-to-be-named-after-green phase, but there is a way to be totally responsible while being a total irresponsible jerk.
It’s pretty impossible to find a parking spot nowadays, and that’s because of reserved parking spots.
For those working from home and those who hate wearing work-appropriate pants or wearing pants at all, there’s hope for you in this post or pre-post or post-pre-post-COVID-19 world. It seems that a Finnish fashion retailer has created a line of what’s classified as half-formal outfits that feature acceptable clothing for office work from the waist up and what’s considered to be home attire from the waist down.
Many children have imaginary friends, but in my child's case, the imaginary friend has become something of a freeloader. In this week's column, I try to find a sensible, somewhat non-violent way, to fix this imaginary problem.
In these times of uncertainty, the most comforting messages have been coming from television commercials.
So I took a poll after last week’s column where I argued that laundry is an insane act. The majority disagreed, but they didn't read this second part of a two-part column.
Sometimes when you really think about something and analyze the process involved with something, you begin to see the total lunacy involved with it. Laundry is the perfect example.
Nothing reinforces the fact that we humans know how to totally rock a global pandemic more than the tricked-out masks I’ve been seeing.
Have you ever noticed that some songs are used many times for movie trailers? Well, I did. That's why I wrote a column about it. Enjoy!
I’ve recently started to think a lot about the concept of birthdays because people on my Facebook page just insisted that I was going through one...no matter how much I try to forget and convince people that most birthdays should be forgotten about. That's my birthday wish.
