Bruce Springsteen once said--well, sang, actually--”you can’t start a fire without a spark” and then he talked and talked and talked.

I hope you’re not reading this week’s column through the hazy, thudding head of a New Year's Day hangover. If you are, then I hope you can live with your horrible, alcohol-induced decisions made during New Year’s Eve.

Just when you thought it was safe to express what your favorite Christmas movie is, someone has to come and ruin it for you.

You know, Christmas time really does bring out the best in people.

Well, what I really mean is everyone is looking for "The Best". They always want the best tree, the best gift, the best Christmas-spirited punch and then the best hangover cure the next morning.

I was originally going to classify a phenomenon that I recently identified as something of a Christmas miracle; however, like Christmas miracles, I found it to really be commonplace-–something that everyone experiences and ignores, and they move on with their lives.

Because all my news about Texas comes from Australian media, The West Australian shared a story that a bar in Texas had posted a sign on their jukebox that reads…

PMI is my research and analysis of the hottest toys of the holiday season. Those toys are then assigned a rating on my proprietary PMI scale from 1 to 10 based on how miserable the toy will make an unsuspecting parent.

It never dawned on me the awe-inspiring notion of the dollar stores until I was trying to find straws inside of one.

Yeah, I know it’s not even Thanksgiving yet, and I’m writing about what’s mostly a Christmas-themed subject, but everyone else seems to be doing it, and I caved under peer pressure.

It’s not often that I get appalled by a box of cereal, but then again, I originally thought pulling someone’s finger was a legitimate digestive aid, but then I turned 40 and recognized it for the childish act it is.

I was recently going through some old childhood photos, trying to pinpoint the exact date where everything started to go wrong. Right now, it can be either 1998 or 1999, so I can stop blaming Y2K now.

I always say I do my best thinking when I’m either sitting on the toilet or driving around; if I can figure out a way to do both at the same time, I’d truly be unstoppable.

I’ve been really wanting to take advantage of purchasing groceries online for pickup and delivery, but that “family” of mine insists that we grocery shop at the store so I can “get some air”, so I can “stop practicing to be a hermit” and so I can “relearn social interaction”.

Today's column examines the phenomenon of dancing--what it is, its origins and, frankly, why I hate it.

There’s a lot to be said about political correctness and the euphemisms it spawns, but some instances of political correctness have turned into a waste of time ... literally. 

Now that we’re in the age of COVID--the terrible twos, as a matter of fact--we as a society have never been cleaner...or at least aimed higher to be cleaner than ever before.

I often hear the phrase, “That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard”, and that’s mostly from my wife when I tell her what my upcoming column is going to be.

Now that we’re reaching the fading twilight of our summer of discontent, it’s time to be informed that many of us have been killing ourselves 36 minutes at a time over the past few months and years.

This week's column has to do with dad jokes. Where did these things come from, why are the here and where are they going? We will find out.

Well, you truly can find anything online--even things you didn’t know you were looking for or asked for or even longed for, and that, in this case, is do-it-yourself toilet paper, the first entry in a series I'm calling DIY Horrors.

One day I started thinking about unicorns.

As a theoretical person, I’m always looking to better myself physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially and eventually.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water...Goldfish!

I’ve seen a lot of things in my time...then I discovered the Internet and then I pretty much saw everything else including things that can't be unseen; however, one of the greatest treasures I found were clips and sometimes whole episodes of Japanese game shows.

As we're well into summer and heading out on holiday excursions, vacations, parties, reunions and casino heists, it's pretty much a solid bet that if you travel by car on a trip a distance of over 150 miles, you're going to hit traffic.

There's a lot of things on social media that really tick me off like ticks, things, teeth bleeding and social media, but the one thing that really makes my teeth bleed are people addressing intangible things like feelings, attitudes, beliefs or ideas as if they were real people.

Fellas, I know prom season has come and gone so maybe this week’s column would have been more appropriate for that special time.

Of course, not all proms are set on the same day, but this column is kind of more of a Fathers Day column and that’s only one day a year, so today is the most appropriate time to talk about your sons and daughters dating and how you should act.

If the bumper stickers I’ve seen are true, then I understand we have to coexist as well as have Calvin from the comic strip “Calvin and Hobbs” urinate on various logos and emblems that we hate.

After careful consideration, I decided that I have to issue a retraction for a previous column where I criticized the multiple scents and aromas that candle companies and fragrance companies have been pushing on the consumer.

I'm always striving to make the world a better place. I mean, I fail miserably every time, but I do strive, which is an aggressive form of trying. My latest strive is to prevent businesses and organizations from ending up behind the eight ball when it comes to public outrage over unintentional offensiveness.