Very few things annoy me more than my wife asking me about a conversation I've had by interrogating me over every little things said and me just shrugging and telling her I forgot. So, in this week's column, I come up with an idea to fix the problem and likely create more problems.

This week's column has to do with modern art, especially following the uproar when an performance artist ate a piece of art being a banana taped to a wall that sold for $120,000.

Christmas is a special time for both children and adults...different special...let's go with that in this week's column.

Like the annoying uncle who brings a fruitcake to Christmas dinner, the fruitcake is an annoying feature of the holiday season, but in this week's column, I'm going to jump start the fruitcake resurgence.

It's back! The third-annual Parental Misery Index Toy Guide! It's foolish for any parent to go shopping without it to find out how much toys for their children will annoy them.

With Thanksgiving over, it's time to focus on Christmas all the columns leading to the Big Day will be holiday themed. This week's column deals with the most popular holidays as dictated by the commercials reminding us those special days are just around the corner.

One of the pitfalls of parenting is when you kid gets sick, and not the kind of sick where you can lock them in their room until the pass out from doing three shots of cough syrup. No, because when vomiting is involved, it's not just a sickness, it's an adventure.

Every artist needs a muse, something that inspires them to create a masterpiece or a disasterpiece in some cases.

This week's column deals with the phenomenon of the "live" studio audience and how it has ruin television for me.

Many artists—whether it's the written word, the plucked note, the brushstroke of an oil-based paint or the smashed watermelon on a stage—go through a period where their creative juices are tainted with Kool-Aid after they have children.

With Halloween approaching this week, I thought it would be fitting to wrap up this three-part horror-themed columns by ending with an open letter to the master of horror Stephen King about a business proposition for him.

Seeing that Halloween is a two weeks away, please enjoy this second of three Halloween-inspired columns to get everyone in the spirit of the season. This week's column deals with a very true and very scary story to tell your children...but only if you're over the age of 40.

Seeing that Halloween is a few weeks away and not only did I stock up on candy and boiling tar for trick-or-treaters, I also stocked up on three Halloween-inspired columns to get everyone in the spirit of the season. This first column is what Halloween is all about: scaring people and the joy it brings. Enjoy!

If you're an adult and have the chance to play with children, take my advice and, well, just pass on it unless you have a few hours to spare and you love repetition or if you have a few hours to spare and you love repetition or if you have a few hours to spare and you love repetition.

If you've ever been confused on what to bring or what not to bring on a commercial flight, I checked out TSA guidelines for this week's column so you'll be confused on why you can and can't bring those items on a plane. You're welcome. 

This week's column deals with the late Bob Ross, the legendary painter who legacy can be traced beyond the happy little clouds.

When it comes to the art of small talk, you can either be a Da Vinci or a Picasso. In this week's column, I'm going to show you that you can really be either without spilling paint all over the place. 

In the ongoing saga with my family and our now 16-week-old puppy, Oreo, our gripes with him come down to biting, chewing, peeing and pooping…constantly. Another constant is the advice from, well, everybody on how to handle him. 

In this column, we explore how much rudeness it takes to make a society more successful, yet civil. Warning: Don't try this in society.

A recent announcement of a $5,000 burger has inspired me to create my own most-expensive-burger, but it's not a $10,000 burger or a $500,000 burger--not even a $1 million burger and especially not a $12 million burger. This one will be a whopping $13 million, and in this week's column, I'll show you how it's done.

A new "Home Alone" movie has just been announced. In this week's column, I'll explore why that is a horrible idea and will never work and then I pitch my idea for a "Home Alone" sequel, which will catapult me to Hollywood without a net to land in. 

This week's column is about buying in bulk at those big warehouse stores where the savings are as bulky as the products and how they alter your lifestyle. This is easily the bulkiest story I've every written.

I remember someone telling me about falling in love with their wife when he saw her for the first time — legit love at first sight. The best way he could describe the feeling was just by saying, “When I saw her, I just knew.”

The decision to get a pet is something that takes a while to grow and flourish, especially after having to say goodbye to one. You don’t feel you’re ready to welcome in a new furry family member until a certain amount of time has passed and the emptiness you have that only a dog, cat or tamed skunk can fill expresses itself in certain ways like me having my nine-year-old stepdaughter, Emma, play fetch in the yard.

I'm back from my week-long summer vacation where I was hoping a lot of weird stuff would happen so I can write about it, but just like one weird thing happened, so I'll write about that and just make up the rest. 

Car shopping is a pure nightmare. In this week's column, I'd like to give advice on how to make it a joyful and prosperous experience, but no because this is a horror story.

An island in Norway is petitioning to due away with keeping time. In this week's column, I'll explore the geo-economical impact such an act would make...nah, I'm just going to make fun of it as much as I can.

The emotions parents go through when their children are involved in sports and other activities is a complex and shameful one where they want their kids to have fun and grow, but they don't want their weekend ruined, too.

A familiar sci-fi logo appears on the surface of Mars, but no need to worry. It's just some alien scum trying to mock our culture. Thankfully, Mark Hofmann, Planetary Protection Vigilante is on the case.

This week's column deals with my experiences throwing two surprise parties with different results--some good, some bad, all odd.